Each of us were born into this world with significant choices having been made for us. For example, none of us chose to be born. Our gender was not our own decision. Neither was our physical, intellectual, or personality makeup. We did not choose to which family we would belong, in what part of the world to be born, or with what race to be identified. We were not given the option of being born into a family that was poor or wealthy. We were not given the option of being born into a family with both a father and a mother or one having a single parent, or perhaps being an orphan. We did not get to select whether the nation in which we were born was free or oppressed, at peace or at war, impoverished or flourishing. Who made those choices? The obvious answer is God. As a result, we have the obvious option of being reconciled to God’s choice or resenting it.

Adam and Eve chose to rebel against how God made them. God created them and us to be dependent beings who don’t know everything and who must rely on God’s help. Satan, who had already resisted God’s creation order for himself, deceived Adam and Eve into falling for the lie that God did not have their best interests in mind. They thought that being able to decide how to live for themselves was far superior to trusting and obeying God. By casting off their dependence on God, they thrust the entire human race into darkness and destruction, the consistent result of sin. This mindset has been passed down through the ages to every single person born from Adam’s and Eve’s line.

It is the nature of sin to distrust God and seek to run our lives independently from him.

Jesus became a man, embracing his role as the Lamb of God who provided us with forgiveness for our rebellion and offered to us rebellion’s antitoxin – complete surrender to our loving God. All this was to put humanity and the universe back on the right track. This brings us to my first big point.

No one can be truly and thoroughly happy until he or she repents from thinking and living independently from God and surrenders to Christ’s lordship in every area of life.

Gender and Godliness

The Bible teaches that we are composed of three parts: spirit, soul, and body. (1 Thessalonians 5:23) As you would imagine, the salvation provided for us in Christ covers each part. The new birth takes place in the spirit, our innermost being, where we are made new in God’s likeness. We are made completely right with God or justified. We are joined to God’s Spirit, which provides us with God’s life, mind, and presence. We do not have to look for God in some distant place. He comes to live inside each believer. The new birth is based on what Christ already accomplished for us through his death and resurrection. It is a done deal that is activated by our faith in response to the Spirit’s work in our lives.

The salvation of the body awaits for us in the future. Our salvation will be completed on the day Jesus returns and raises us from the dead. At that point in history, God’s threefold salvation will be finished when we will be instantly changed into Christ’s glory and likeness, never to die again. It is a future hope.

The salvation of the soul is an ongoing daily process through which the Spirit of God is transforming us into Christ’s likeness as we respond in faith and obedience to God’s Word and the Spirit’s promptings. This is the present aspect of our salvation which will largely determine the nature of the reward we will receive at the Last Judgment. In other words, how we live today matters. Another way of thinking of this present daily salvation is that we live in a dynamic tension between what God has already done (justification) and what is coming in the future (glorification). In our present struggle against temptation and sin, we look backward to remember that Christ already defeated sin through his cross and resurrection. We also look forward to our certain future glorification, knowing that in God’s eyes it is a done deal. Nevertheless, it takes faith, courage, and determination to live for Christ each day. Paul called this “working out our salvation.” (Philippians 2:12) We work out what God has worked in us. We partner with God in an amazing “dance” of grace with our invisible Helper and Partner, the Holy Spirit.

What does this have to do with gender? I am glad you asked.

The new birth makes us all “sons” of God because the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of the Son, comes to live inside us, crying out “Abba” Father. Spiritually speaking, we are all sons of God.

Paul went so far as to say that, in this new birth spiritual reality, there is neither male nor female.

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28 (NASB) 

Jesus also taught us that in the future resurrection, there will be no marriage, indicating that gender will not be relevant, which agrees with the previous passage in Galatians.

"For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven. Matthew 22:30 (NASB) 

But what about now? Clearly in the present situation in which we find ourselves, gender is of great significance. In a real sense, in our present experience of life as human beings, we are influenced by our gender. Our physical and soulical makeup is vastly different depending on whether we are male of female. The way we view and experience life differs as well. The roles we play in the reproductive process are dissimilar. Only males can be husbands and fathers, and only females can be wives and mothers. This is by God’s design.

Even though spiritually men and women are the same, we must embrace the gender-based roles given to us by God in our present historical situation as we await the resurrection, if we are going to fully glorify God.

Roles Given Specifically to Men

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
(Shakespeare,  As You Like It)

A role, like a part in a play, does not fundamentally define who we are. It merely gives us parameters for living. We might think of it as a test of our obedience to God’s choice for us.

As believers, we are truly defined by our identity in Christ as children of God. At the identity level there is no distinction based on gender, race, age, nationality, politics, social status, or wealth. However, in the historical time bound world in which we all presently live, we are given roles to play. Over a lifetime, these roles may change. We first play the role of a child. Later, if we live long enough, we become adults. Within the adult world there are many roles we may play: boss, worker, leader, follower, etc. A boss is not superior to his workers, but he does have authority and deserves honor based on his role. Being able to distinguish between identity and role helps us to properly play our role as unto the Lord.

Properly serving based on the roles we have in this life is part of what it means to be godly in this present age.

Disciples

The first role every man or woman of God needs to embrace is that of a disciple.

Until we surrender to Christ and become his follower or disciple, we will not be successful at properly functioning in the other roles available to us.

Allowing God’s Spirit to transform our thinking and behavior enables us to live as God intends.

Husbands

A very important gender based role that most men will be able to play during their lives on earth is that of a husband. Only men can be husbands, if we accept the biblical and true definition and understanding of the word. What does it mean to be a husband? Paul gives us insight in the fifth chapter of Ephesians.

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23  For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24  But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. 25  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26  so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27  that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28  So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; Ephesians 5:22-28 (NASB)  

Let’s focus on two aspects of what it means to be a husband that are found in this passage.

First of all to be a husband means to be “head” of the wife and family. Secondly, husbands are to pour themselves out in love for those under their care.

Headship refers to the authority and leadership associated with the responsibility of being a husband. In God’s kingdom, the more responsible we are, the more authority we are given. Otherwise, being the head would be an exercise in frustration. Conversely, God does not give authority simply for its own sake or to be used selfishly.

Authority and responsibility go together.Husbands have authority from God to lead their wives, provide for them, nurture and develop them, and protect them.

In no way does this infer that the husband is superior to the wife. Quite the opposite, as Jesus pointed out, the lesser serves the greater. (Luke 22:27)

Even though the husband has authority as the head, he is the chief servant in the family.

This is how it works in God’s kingdom. Husbands are commissioned to lay down their lives in loving service to their wives and family, even as Christ laid down his life for the church. This brings us to an important insight about husbands.

Husbands have the unique privilege and responsibility to represent Christ to their wives.

It is hard to imagine a nobler or more challenging role in life than that! We need God’s help to do this, obviously. Most men are inherently selfish and self-centered. Marriage is designed to deliver us from this sinful orientation as we learn to properly love and serve.

When husbands properly model Christ to their wives, it is a way we indirectly preach the gospel. By demonstrating Christ’s selfless love toward our wives and families, people outside the faith get some understanding of Christ, especially when wives return the favor by loving and respecting their husbands.

Children of such a marriage are greatly impacted and will carry into adult life a positive image of marriage. When the wife reciprocates by loving, honoring, respecting, partnering with, and following her husband’s leadership, family life will become heavenly. Each spouse must choose to focus on what Christ has commanded him or her. Husbands should focus on loving and serving their spouses, and wives, on loving and respecting their husbands. It is usually a mistake to focus on what our spouse is supposed to do, especially if we try to nag them into doing their part. We can trust the Spirit to do his part as we do ours.

Fathers

Fatherhood is usually the natural outcome of marriage, if our reproductive systems are functioning properly and we cooperate in the process. If we cannot have biological children, we usually have the option to adopt. As challenging as marriage is, fatherhood may be even more.

Our heavenly father is the source of life itself. Paul wrote:

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15  from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, Ephesians 3:14-15 (NASB) 

In the human realm, God allows fathers to become the source of life for their children. Likewise, all blessings flow from Abba to us.

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. James 1:17 (NASB) 

Father God desires for human fathers to be conduits of blessings from God to their families.

God’s goodness is past human comprehension. Jesus had to become a human being in order to reveal to us by his words and example what Abba is like. We can only understand God’s nature by observing his Son. In a similar yet lesser way, children gain their first understanding of Abba through their human Dad.

Fathers represent Abba Father to their children.

How we fulfill this responsibility has an enormous impact on our children. If we are present in their lives in a loving and affirming way, it gives our children an enormous head start in life. If we fail our children by being absent or by actually harming them, we undercut their ability to know and trust the Father in heaven.

Some of the ways that Dad’s are commissioned to properly represent Abba are as follows.

• Fathers should lavish love, delight, and affirmation on their children. This includes speaking blessings over them. Blessings release grace into their lives. Words have the ability to build up or tear down. Fathers’ words have extraordinary impact.

But even as he spoke, a bright cloud came over them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy. Listen to him.” Matthew 17:5 (NLT) 

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.Proverbs 18:21 (NASB) 

• Fathers should provide a safe and secure environment for development and growth.

Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine Within your house, Your children like olive plants Around your table. Psalm 128:3 (NASB) 

• Fathers discipline their children in order to form them into God-fearing responsible adults.

He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently. Proverbs 13:24 (NASB)

• Fathers teach their children the values and skills necessary to be successful in life. This includes spiritual, social, and practical things.
• Fathers release their children into adulthood gradually at first and completely when they are ready. The goal of fatherhood is to produce responsible adults who will duplicate the discipleship process in their own children. Godly fathers get more pleasure in seeing their sons and daughters excel than in succeeding themselves.

Leaving a Legacy

A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children, And the wealth of the sinner is stored up for the righteous. Proverbs 13:22 (NASB)

Whether we intend it or not, each of us will leave a legacy to those who follow. It will be either a blessing or something to be overcome. While we are alive, we are able to choose which sort we will leave behind at our deaths.

No matter where we may begin our journey in life, we have the opportunity to move forward in God. Those who were born into unkind circumstances or inherited a poor legacy from their forefathers have a starting line for their race that is behind where those with a good inheritance may begin. God does not compare us one against the other, and neither should we. The important thing is that we move our family legacy forward.

The Allied soldiers who stormed the beaches of Normandy on D-Day laid a foundation for those who followed at great expense to themselves. Perhaps we find ourselves in a similar situation regarding our family. If our family has a long history of abuse, addiction, crime, abandonment, or other forms of sin and destruction, it will be very challenging for us to break free from that cycle in order to provide a better starting place for our children, but it will be worth it. Salvation is generational in that each generation builds on what the previous ones provided for them. I encourage you fathers to make the decision to build a lasting legacy for succeeding generations. Though future sons and daughters may not fully appreciate what you do, God sees and will reward you.

A Father’s Reward

Jesus came to restore us to a right relationship with his, and now our, Abba Father. That was his goal for us, in order to bring his Father glory and honor and us enduring joy.

By turning our hearts back toward Abba Father, he made it possible for earthly Dads and their children to be in right relationship, too.

When a proper relationship exists between father and son or father and daughter, it is a source of great blessing. The absence of the father – child connection opens the door to many negative consequences.

“Look, I am sending you the prophet Elijah before the great and dreadful day of the LORD arrives. 6  His preaching will turn the hearts of fathers to their children, and the hearts of children to their fathers. Otherwise I will come and strike the land with a curse.” Malachi 4:5-6 (NLT)

Much of the trouble we see in our nation and around the world originated in the break of the relationship between fathers and their children, which ultimately goes back to a broken or damaged relationship between human dads and Abba. When we get the Abba-human dad relationship right, the other can more easily follow.

Fathers who have been reconciled to Abba can help their own children grow up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2  “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3  “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4  Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1-4 (ESV)

A father’s joy is seeing his children do well.

Solomon said that a wise son makes a glad father. (Proverbs 10:1) Conversely, having a fool for a son or daughter is a heavy load for any parent to bear. Ultimately, our children must make their own way in life. A parent’s role is to give them the love, affirmation, blessings, and other tools they will need to succeed, but children must make their own choices.

Perfect parenting does not guarantee perfect results. Neither does poor parenting guarantee that children will fail.

Where human dads miss the mark, our heavenly Abba can supply what is missing. Where dads hurt their children, Abba can bring healing. Where parents did a good job, but kids nevertheless went down a wrong path, Abba can bring comfort to the parents and correction to the children. If parents realize they failed their children, there is forgiveness and hope for the future. We do our best, hopefully, but all of us make plenty of mistakes as a parent and as a child.

For those of us who do not have our own natural children, there are lots of opportunities to be a “father” to those who are natural or spiritual orphans.

Adoption is a very important theme in the Bible. Moses was adopted. So was Jesus. Every born again follower of Christ is God’s child through adoption. For those of us whose children are now grown, we can now invest in however many others God brings our way who need a fatherly touch.

One day we will receive a reward for our labors, but even now we can rejoice as we watch our proteges successfully navigate life using the skills and blessings we passed on to them.

A father’s reward comes from pouring out his life into his children and watching them succeed and go even farther than he ever did.

The blessing continues as we watch our children pass the blessing forward to their own offspring. And when we ultimately stand before God’s throne at the judgment, we will hear him say, “Well done!” Hallelujah!

After all, what gives us hope and joy, and what will be our proud reward and crown as we stand before our Lord Jesus when he returns? It is you! 20  Yes, you are our pride and joy. 1 Thessalonians 2:19-20 (NLT)