Author: petebeck3

Pete Beck III ministered as a pastor and Bible teacher in Burlington for over 35 years. He is married to Martha, with whom he has four children, ten beautiful grandchildren, and five amazing great grandchildren. He ministers in his local church as a Bible teacher and counselor. He has written several books, including two that are available on Amazon - Seeing God's Smile and Promise of the Father - as well as a wide variety of Bible-related articles.

Am I willing to play a role or must I be the director?

marriage

A biblical marriage asks both spouses to accept the privileges and responsibilities and operate within the boundaries of their God-given roles. 

Shakespeare penned these memorable words:

All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts… (As You Like It – Act 2, Scene 7)

The author of a play creates the characters and plot, scripts the lines, and decides how it begins and ends. The director decides who plays what role and instructs them to some degree how to act. Those who play the roles must be willing to act in agreement with how the play is written and under the oversight of the director. If actors play their roles well, an observer might even conclude that they are actually that person in real life, but they would usually be wrong. The role is not the same as the actual identity of the actor or actress. The success of the play largely depends on how well the actors play their respective roles. 

Life is like that. God wrote and directs the “play,” created the set (the world) and the characters (us), and assigns to everyone our particular roles to play. How willingly and well we accept our God-given roles in life, some of which are gender-specific, will greatly influence our success during our short stay on the earth. It may also determine in some measure our eternal reward. But just as with a play or movie, the temporary role we play does not define our real identity.

What truly defines a person? Gender, age, politics, religious beliefs, job, or our role as a spouse, father, mother, son, daughter, grandmother, etc.? All of these things contribute to an overall picture of who we are as individuals, but none of these things truly defines us.

At our core, we are spiritual beings, who can only properly be known and defined by God, since he is our Creator, Sustainer, and, hopefully for you and me, our Redeemer.

God breathed spirit into Adam’s body, and he became a living soul. (Genesis 2:7) Our bodies are the outer shell that people see, our souls or personalities are more hidden and are what we may choose to present to other people as the deeper “us,” but God knows each one of us at a still deeper level in the spirit.

For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. 1 Corinthians 2:11 (ESV)

When Jesus rose from the dead, he ushered in a new reality, which he shares with us, at least in seed form, when we are “born again”. Through the new birth, our deepest and truest identity is linked to Christ through being joined to and becoming “one” with him.

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20 (ESV)

Believers in Christ are not defined by our sins, defects, failures, or past. We are identified with Christ through what is called the “new creation.” (2 Corinthians 5:16-17)

At the resurrection of the dead, we will fully experience this new reality in our bodies, souls, and spirits. The things that now tend to limit and separate us from each other will be obliterated, as Paul so eloquently wrote long ago.

For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. 27  For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. 28  There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29  And if you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's descendants, heirs according to promise. Galatians 3:26-29 (NASB)

As beautiful as that spiritual reality is and will be, we currently live in a fallen world that is waiting to experience its resurrection transformation.

For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. 23 And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. Romans 8:22–23 (NASB95)

In our current state, there are still Jewish people and Gentiles, slaves and free in some areas of the world –  bosses and employees where we live, and male and female. As much as some wish to obliterate gender differences, they still are very much a part of everyday life and our current reality, down to the chromosomal level.

As born-again Christians, we are challenged to learn how to navigate our current situation in light of the resurrection reality that awaits us.

We have been given a foretaste of heaven in the spirit, but we still live in a fallen world, where gender differences are extremely important and consequential. Men and women have very different bodies with unique functions and abilities. Only a woman can conceive, carry, and give birth to a child. Only a man can be a father. Regardless of what many might desire, our genders greatly define our roles in life, especially those of husband, wife, mother, and father.

Gender specific roles are similar to parts in a play. The better we play our assigned role, the more faithful we will reflect the author’s intent and the greater will be our success. The roles that God has given us in this life do not define us at a core level, but we are assigned by God to play the part given to us.

These roles in marriage include the man’s having the responsibilities and privileges associated with headship. Women are given the Christ-honoring role of being a complementary partner who responds lovingly to the husband’s headship. This is called submission, which means to come under and often carries a very negative connotation. However, God never intended for there to be anything negative about submission. Sin did that to us. Submission exists within the Trinity where there is no hint of inferiority or subservience. We should not be scared off by headship and submission, just because the world hates these concepts or because we have never seen them properly modeled. God intends that these temporary roles be beautifully beneficial, fulfilling, and God-glorifying.

In the next two articles, I will take a look at headship for the husband and submission for the wife from the Bible’s perspective. I hope that, when we have a better understanding of what God intends, it will motivate us to fully embrace these roles to the glory of God and our own personal happiness. We will understand that…

God wants us to be role players, not the director of the play.

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A Key to a Successful Marriage – Three Are Better than Two

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The greatest secret to a successful Christian marriage is the presence of the Holy Spirit. He make the third party in the relationship, working in each spouse to transform us into people who can maintain a solid marriage. We were not created to do life or marriage alone. God designed us to live in a dependent relationship with him, drawing from his life, strength, and wisdom. This article will examine how the Holy Spirit works inside followers of Christ to help us to become better marriage partners. If we put our faith in Jesus Christ and make him the center of the marriage, he promises to help us to love and be faithful to each other. What makes a good disciple of the Lord is also what makes us successful at marriage.

Being a disciple of Christ is a very important part of enjoying a happy and lasting marriage.

The Christian’s Greatest Secret

Some who call themselves followers of Christ have not yet discovered what is perhaps the greatest secret of the Christian life. Jesus died for our sins, so that we can be forgiven and restored to a right relationship with God our Father, but the blessing does not stop there. Our Lord sent the Holy Spirit to indwell and empower those who pledge allegiance to him.

What makes the New Covenant so radically different from the Law or any other religious or self-help system is that, when we are born again, the Holy Spirit becomes one with our spirits and begins to live God’s life through us. (1 Corinthians 6:17)

He transforms us from within as we learn to rely on and cooperate with him each day. Christianity is a partnership with God’s Spirit, a dance with an invisible partner, and a drawing of life from the vine of which we are branches.

Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. 5  “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:4-5 (NLT)
Being “Equally Yoked”

What does being equally yoked mean for a Christian marriage? If a man and a woman want to wed, one of the first questions that should be asked is whether or not both are believers and committed to following Christ and his teachings. If not, the Bible calls this dissimilar pairing being “unequally yoked”. Oxen are paired in a yoke to pull heavy loads. Unless they pull together, things do not work well. Unless a husband and wife are on the same team spiritually and in other ways, the marriage is likely headed for trouble.

Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? 15  What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 (NLT)

Marriage is the ultimate sharing of life, and requires both the husband and wife to be unified in their dedication as disciples. Otherwise, frustration may be experienced down the road. The Bible warns against marrying someone who is not a committed follower of Christ.

However, if both partners desire to serve the Lord, they have a good basis for building a strong, lasting, and fulfilling marriage. The things that make a good disciple also make a good spouse.

This is because disciples will be committed to the following three things.

  1. Putting Christ’s teachings into practice. This means we will love truth, practice the “Golden Rule,” be quick to forgive, honest, patient, faithful, etc., which are character qualities which the Holy Spirit develops within us.
  2. Allowing the Holy Spirit to work inside us. The Spirit points out to us when we need to repent and ask forgiveness. He changes our desires from within, transforming us into people who make better marriage partners, people who love, put others first, are unselfish, etc. He teaches us what we need to know and reminds us about what the Bible teaches.
  3. Living in the fear of the Lord. The fear of the Lord constrains us from pursuing foolish and self-centered agendas that would violate the marriage covenant and Christ’s teachings.
A Threefold Cord
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10  For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11  Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? 12  And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (ESV)

Solomon’s words have much to say about marriage. It is better to be married than be alone, but, having Christ woven into the marriage is best of all.

Making our Lord the center of our marriage makes it very strong. Two are good, but three are better.

Application

If we are already a committed follower of Christ and are married to one, it is a good thing to reaffirm with our spouses our joint commitment to Christ, his teachings, and to our marriages. We can ask the Holy Spirit to bind us together in committed love as he works in each of us individually.

If I am not yet a follower of Christ, what is stopping me from becoming one now? It simply requires my acknowledgement that I am no longer willing to be an independent operator. We can surrender our lives to Christ, the Good Shepherd and ask him run things from now on. We can ask him to forgive our past sins and restore us to a right relationship with Father God. We can ask him to send the Holy Spirit to live inside us and change us from the inside out. (Here is a sample prayer.)

What if I am committed to Christ, but my spouse is not? We can ask God to open his or her heart to the gospel. We can pray, share our testimonies, and love her in a way that helps her understand how much God loves her. God encourages us to be patient. We can trust the Lord to work in our spouses, even if it takes a while. The important thing is to never give up.

Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you? 17  Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches. 1 Corinthians 7:16-17 (NLT)
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Commitment – An Important Key to Happiness in Marriage

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Commitment to making a marriage work is an important key to happiness and longevity in marriage. About half of all marriages end in divorce. No wonder many opt simply to live together, in the likely case things don’t work out. However, choosing against marriage also carries a heavy price tag, which I covered in my first article in this series entitled, Why Do People Hate Marriage.” A good marriage is something to be desired, and it is attainable. God created marriage to provide companionship, children, societal stability, and many other blessings. Maintaining a good marriage is not always easy, but what worth having comes easily?

Marriage Is a Covenant

It’s hard to build something as complex as a good marriage, if no plans or instructions are available. Those of us who come from broken families have a more difficult time because we have not seen or experienced a good marriage in action. What is portrayed on television and in the movies is not always conducive to building a strong marriage either. Where can we find a good model or trustworthy instructions? The Bible is a great place to start.

The Bible says that marriage is first of all a covenant of companionship.

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18 (NASB95)

The marriage covenant is a vow made before God and human witnesses that we will be faithful until death to our spouses, forsaking all other competitors for our love. In our culture, rings are usually exchanged to remind us of our vow and to provide visible evidence to everyone else of our having made this commitment. Breaking the vow through adultery, abandonment,  abuse, or divorce carries a serious consequence, which is spiritual, psychological, social, and financial. 

Divorce ought to be costly, because it tears apart something God put together.

Jesus taught the following:

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” 4  He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5  and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6  So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” 7  They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” 8  He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9  And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” Matthew 19:3-9 (ESV)

Marriage is not a simple agreement, which can be easily amended or canceled. It is not a business contract; even though some approach it that way with “pre-nup” agreements. It is a covenant before God and witnesses that we will be faithful until death to our promises.

In the Old Testament a covenant was a solemn promise in which blood was usually shed. It also usually had some sort of seal or token of commitment. Violation of the covenant carried a stiff penalty. A good example is the covenant God made with Abraham. The Lord instructed him to kill animals and split them in half, placing the divided halves on the ground with a space between them. Normally both covenant parties would walk between these portions with the understanding that violating the covenant invited punishment equivalent to what happened to the animals. In Abraham’s case, God alone walked through the carcasses, taking upon himself unilateral responsibility to keep his covenant promises to Abraham. The sign of the covenant was circumcision. Abraham had a permanent reminder in his body of the covenant between him and God.

Marriage is a bilateral covenant. Both parties take on the responsibility to be faithful. The sign of the covenant is the ring. 

Since marriage is a covenant made before God, we will answer to him for how well we uphold our end of the deal. We will also be rewarded by him for keeping our vows.

The Importance of Keeping Our Word

In today’s world, many people have little or no fear of God or of being judged by him at the end of time. Nevertheless, every one of us will give our Lord Jesus Christ an account for our lives and whether or not we have been faithful to him and to our word. Keeping promises is very big on God’s list of priorities. He is a promise keeper and expects us to do the same.

God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it? Numbers 23:19 (ESV)

Faithfulness means we maintain our allegiance to God, first of all, and to our promises secondly. Those who maintain faithfulness will be rewarded by God.

Many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is truly reliable? 7 The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them. Proverbs 20:6–7 (NLT)

Many in our culture place personal happiness at the very top of their list of values. I have known people who justified divorcing their spouses because they insisted that God wanted them to be happy, which was not possible while they remained married to their then current spouses.

God does care about our happiness, but he values our faithfulness to our promises even more. Happiness is a temporary thing, but faithfulness carries an eternal reward.

When we make a covenant promise to our spouse at marriage, keeping it becomes one of the most important issues in our lives, even more important than having a spouse who fulfills our desire for personal happiness.

I am sure I just lost some of you, but consider that being faithful carries its own brand of happiness, which will never fade and which we will carry with us to judgment, where we will hear our Lord say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” (Matthew 25:21) In other words, if we put being faithful above the pursuit our own pleasure, I believe that God will make sure that we experience happiness, but maybe not the superficial kind. We will know the deep satisfaction of loving someone unconditionally, just as God loves us. We will find the joy of loving someone despite his or her faults, shortcomings, and sins, just as God shows us. I am sure it was absolutely no fun whatsoever for Jesus to be nailed to a cross, but his faithfulness to God and us enabled him to endure the shame and pain because he understood that on the other side of that suffering was something indescribably valuable.

Understanding the importance of being faithful until death will help us enter marriage with a proper sense of soberness and give us a reason to persevere if things get tough.

Remember: at the altar, we vow to be faithful until death, not until something or someone better comes along.

In summary, knowing that marriage is a covenant before God and embracing the commitment to remain faithful for life to our spouse are important keys to building a strong marriage. Making this commitment up front will preserve us from ever considering that divorce is an option, barring adultery, abandonment, or abuse, and even then there may be hope for reconciliation.

Making the commitment to keep our covenant promises is a huge key to the happiness that comes from building a strong and lasting marriage.

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Why Do People Hate Marriage?

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Today, young couples and old often choose not to marry for a number of reasons. In some ways, marriage has become a controversial topic. Is it an outdated man-made social institution that we should discard, or is it a God-given protection and blessing?

The assault on traditional marriage by many who have political power today is a form of spiritual warfare and an attempt to undermine God’s benevolent rule.

Those who reject marriage reject God’s plan and the attached blessings. These people are sowing the wind and will reap the whirlwind. (Hosea 8:7)

The Materialistic Worldview and Marriage

One prevalent modern way of interpreting reality is through the lens of the materialistic worldview, which holds that there is no God, no Creator, and no being outside of ourselves to whom we are ultimately accountable. According to this viewpoint, life is strictly biological and mechanistic, having no spiritual component or value. We are sentient beings who randomly evolved from unconscious and uncaring matter of an unknown origin. This worldview leaves us accountable to no one but ourselves for our attitudes and actions.

In this way of seeing the world, all morality, laws, and values are human constructs that can be altered or abolished at will. There is no ultimate test for what is right or wrong. All that we have are socially accepted norms enforced by those in power.

People in the West are increasingly embracing this way of looking at things, which is fueling our drift away from traditional marriage and family values, which derive from the ancient Judaeo-Christian ethic and tradition.

Under the naturalistic worldview, marriage is a primitive social institution, perhaps needed in an age when women were unable to fend for themselves and were more at risk. It is not needed today since women have been empowered by society to forge their own destinies and compete on an equal footing with men.

According to this worldview, the institution of marriage can be tinkered with or even abolished, according to the whims or preferences of whoever is in power politically, without any fear of repercussions coming from a Supreme Being. Man is evolving and so should society and its laws.

Marriage may be viewed by naturalists as limiting people and against “nature,” since we may be drawn to a variety of sexual partners over a lifetime. Why should we limit ourselves to one person or encumber ourselves with all the legal and financial obligations of the marriage “contract?” Today sex is readily available outside of the marriage bond: so, being wed is no longer viewed as the only safe and legitimate way to enjoy sexual privileges, as was the case in years past.

In addition, why should a primary wage earner or wealthy person take the financial risks associated with marriage? We see examples all around us of unfaithful partners exiting the marriage and exacting financial revenge on their former spouses, perhaps leaving there wealthy partners with half of there assets, perhaps never having intended to be faithful over the long haul.. Former husbands, who may have done nothing to destroy their marriages, often are forced to carry the impossible burden of supporting two households, even in cases when the wife abandons the marriage to pursue someone else and takes the children.

The only reason for marriage under the naturalistic worldview is for the stability it offers to the one who is not the primary wage earner and to the children.

If not for the marriage agreement, many primary wage earners might abandon their spouse and children, leaving them destitute.

However, even the naturalist must acknowledge the emotional forces that influence people to marry. It seems that humans have a built in desire, at least at first, to be forever committed and faithful. Multitudes of love songs illustrate that lovers regularly promise lifelong fidelity to the one they desire. Unfortunately, over the long haul, those strong feelings of love and sexual desire often fade, leaving people thinking that they may have been somehow robbed of the happiness they wanted and desire. This often prompts them to go looking for another with whom to go through the cycle again, producing serial monogamy at best, and transient sexual partners at worst.

It is easy to see why, looking at life through the naturalistic worldview, marriage may not be a great idea.

Why not cohabit without legal ties with the person with whom we want to share life? Why not depend on a person’s desire to remain in the relationship, instead of binding the person legally? Why not leave the door open for escape without the repercussions and expense involved with a legal divorce? That is the reasoning many today use as they forego marriage and choose to simply live together. Many teven have and raise children under this set up. Time will tell if this is a wise course of action. Our aging populace may one day rue not having established a stronger relational foundation for a lifetime.

The Biblical Worldview

The God-centered worldview has many subsets. I will limit myself to the Christian biblical viewpoint, because that is mine.

This approach accepts that the Bible is a completely reliable source of truth and its account of creation is accurate.

Therefore, Scripture provides us with the truth about God, mankind, life, destiny, judgment, salvation, and many other things, including the subject of marriage.

Faith in the God of the Bible and his words shapes our entire way of looking at life.

The biblical worldview teaches us that God created the first man, named Adam. Out of Adam, he created, Eve, a suitable or complementary partner for him.

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper as his complement.” Genesis 2:18 (HCSB)

The Bible teaches that God created humans in his image. The logic here is that by pulling Eve out of Adam, God requires the recombination of male and female in marriage to get back to the whole. Another way to put this is that it takes both the male and female to give us a more complete idea of what God is like. This complementarian view acknowledges that men and women need each other for more than just producing children.

God prefaced the creation of Eve with the acknowledgement that “it is not good for the man to be alone.”

The first reason God brought a man and woman together was to alleviate loneliness.

Some have called marriage first and foremost a “covenant of companionship.”  

The second paramount reason for a man and woman to be joined together in marriage, according to the Bible, is to fulfill God’s first commandment following creation to be fruitful and multiply.

God created marriage therefore, to provide companionship and children. This is called the family, the basic unit of society, the most important social institution on the earth.

The family provides protection, provision, training, and guidance to its members and stability to society.

Since God created us male and female, and joined a man and woman together for life, humanity does not have permission to alter what God instituted.

Nor can we lightly terminate marriages without going against God’s created order. Jesus taught us the the only legitimate reason for breaking a marriage is adultery.

Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?" 4  And He answered and said, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, 5  and said, 'FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH'? 6  "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." 7  They *said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?" 8  He *said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. 9  "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." Matthew 19:3-9 (NASB)
Why Marriage Is Hated by Many

The basic sin of humankind is rebellion against God. People who do not acknowledge that God is the Creator are participating in a war against God and his authority, whether they understand it or not.. The rebel’s mission is to try to throw off any rules and regulations that God has instituted.

Why are the nations in an uproar And the peoples devising a vain thing? 2 The kings of the earth take their stand And the rulers take counsel together Against the LORD and against His Anointed, saying, 3 “Let us tear their fetters apart And cast away their cords from us!” Psalm 2:1–3 (NASB95)

This is what Adam and Eve did in the garden, when they decided to disobey God’s simple command and make a go of doing life outside the boundaries which God set. That did not work well, and neither will we fare well when we try something similar.

Since marriage was  instituted by God and declared by Jesus to be non-violable, it is only reasonable that those who will not acknowledge or surrender to Jesus’ lordship will not submit to this ordinance either.

Just as Adam and Eve decided to make their own decisions regarding right and wrong without reference to anything God said,, mankind today continues with this exercise in futility by questioning and discarding something as foundational as marriage.

The Bible teaches that those who launch out on this course become foolish and bring destruction upon themselves. (Romans 1:21-22)

Today marriage is a controversial topic because Satan and those under his influence are working hard to destroy it.

The devil knows that if marriage goes, so does society. He is a destroyer, thief, and murderer. He wants humanity to suffer and society to be overthrown.

Experience, research, and statistics show that broken marriages harm everyone involved, particularly children. In single family homes, children are far more likely to drop out of school, turn to crime, and under-perform in life. In addition, children from broken and single parent homes usually lack a good model for marriage. Therefore, they do not know what a good marriage is or how to work toward having one. Generally, broken families perpetuate themselves for generations, unless with God’s help people rise to the occasion and make a stand to build and maintain good marriages.

Making the Commitment to Build a Strong Marriage

Hopefully, we agree on the importance of marriage and are willing to make a commitment to build strong ones for our own good, the good of our children, the good of society, and, most importantly, the glory of God. The teachings that follow will provide you with some keys and insights that will help us to build great marriages, if we are willing to follow Christ’s teachings and trust in the Holy Spirit to do in us and our spouses the deep inner work that will be needed.

Prayer

Lord Jesus, I acknowledge that you are the Lord of my life. I submit myself, my marriage, my spouse, and my family to you. I ask you to teach me your ways and change me on the inside, so that I can better obey you and love my spouse and family. I ask you to bless my spouse and marriage. Amen.

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What Jacob’s Deception Teaches Us About Christ

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Most Bible readers are probably familiar with the account in Genesis of the deception Jacob employed when he stole his brother Esau’s blessing. (Genesis 27 – I recommend you read this chapter to familiarize yourself with the details.) What most Bible students have never understood is what this story of deception and intrigue tells us about Christ.

Jacob has always been one of my favorite characters, not because I think he was a great guy, but because, if God can love and use him, there is hope for us all. He was a deceiver, a conniver, and a schemer. He was not overly courageous, nor a man of great faith; yet, God loved him and made him part of the chain that began with Abraham that launched a nation and ushered in the Messiah and the New Covenant.

What can we learn from Jacob’s deception? Most of what happened was anything but recommended behavior. God had previously spoken to Rebecca (Genesis 25:23) that Jacob would rule over his elder brother, Esau, but Isaac loved Esau better for very human reasons and planned to give him the double portion blessing that ordinarily would go to the elder brother. Apparently Isaac did not highly regard the previous prophecy about Jacob having the rule, maybe because women were not regarded as highly then by many, or maybe Rebecca had not told him, or maybe he did not greatly fear the Lord in this matter, if he did know about it. He went with his natural instincts instead. Rebecca, however, did remember what God had said, and she preferred Jacob over Esau. Instead of quietly approaching her husband to remind him of what God had already spoken, she determined to deceive her husband instead. Perhaps she knew that Isaac would not change his mind. We left in the dark. Regardless, nowhere does the Bible suggest that Rebecca illustrated the kind of behavior we should imitate. Rather, what happened serves as a cautionary tale. The results of her actions split the family apart, but it did accomplish God’s will to bless Jacob. (Romans 8:28 – God works all things together for good.)

One can feel the tension in the air as Jacob brought the delicious meal to his father that his mother had prepared. Since Isaac was blind, he had to rely on his senses of smell, touch, and hearing. Apparently he did not rely heavily on spiritual discernment. The voice was Jacob’s but because he was wearing Esau’s clothing, the deception worked. Despite his misgivings, Isaac gave the younger son the elder brother’s blessing. When Esau found out what happened, he was enraged and determined to kill his brother. So Jacob was sent far away to find a bride and his destiny. He never saw his mother again, but his great adventure had begun. He would one day return a humbled, wealthy, and changed man. Esau got over his rage and they were later reconciled. The story ends well.

One of the basic principles for understanding Scripture is that everything points to Jesus. (Luke 24:27) Such a pivotal story as the one we just summarized tells us much about Jesus and how we receive the blessings of the New Covenant. But the beauty is hidden from plain sight. Paul tells us to “clothe” ourselves with Christ. (Romans 13:14, Ephesians 4:24) Isaiah prophesied that the New Covenant would allow us to don “garments of salvation.” (Isaiah 61:10) The New Covenant reveals that when we put our faith and allegiance in Christ, Father God “imputes” or gives Christ’s right relationship with himself to us. This is called justification. The Spirit of the Son (the Holy Spirit) unites with our spirits, giving us the same relationship with Abba that Jesus has, minus the divinity, or course. (Romans 8:15-16)

In other words, the new birth gives us Christ’s clothes, so to speak. To refer back to the Jacob story, we receive the elder brother’s blessing because we are wearing his clothes. But in our case, the Father is not deceived. It was his plan all along, and Jesus is not resentful, as was Esau. He gladly distributes his never ending blessing.

So the next time you read Genesis 27, keep in mind the rest of the story. And if you have never asked the Father to clothe you with Christ’s righteous clothing, do so now. Do not miss out on the blessing.

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The Second Coming Is Fundamental to the Gospel

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Christ’s Second Coming is an important tenet of faith for Christians and is fundamental to the gospel.

1971. That was the year that the Holy Spirit opened my spiritual eyes and allowed me to see that Jesus is who the Bible says he is. The result was that my life was fundamentally altered. Everything changed inside. My purpose for living became entwined with Christ’s plan for my life, which resulted in pastoring a small church for thirty-four years and teaching the Bible for many more. I have written a few books, too. When God reveals Christ to us, the impact is dramatic. Just ask Paul the apostle.

You know what I was like when I followed the Jewish religion—how I violently persecuted God’s church. I did my best to destroy it. 14 I was far ahead of my fellow Jews in my zeal for the traditions of my ancestors. 15 But even before I was born, God chose me and called me by his marvelous grace. Then it pleased him 16 to reveal his Son to me so that I would proclaim the Good News about Jesus to the Gentiles. When this happened, I did not rush out to consult with any human being. 17 Nor did I go up to Jerusalem to consult with those who were apostles before I was. Instead, I went away into Arabia, and later I returned to the city of Damascus. 18 Then three years later I went to Jerusalem to get to know Peter, and I stayed with him for fifteen days. 19 The only other apostle I met at that time was James, the Lord’s brother. 20 I declare before God that what I am writing to you is not a lie. 21 After that visit I went north into the provinces of Syria and Cilicia. 22 And still the churches in Christ that are in Judea didn’t know me personally. 23 All they knew was that people were saying, “The one who used to persecute us is now preaching the very faith he tried to destroy!” 24 And they praised God because of me. Galatians 1:13–24 (NLT)

During the sixties and seventies, God orchestrated a gigantic in-gathering of people into his kingdom. Some called it the “Jesus Revolution,” during which thousands of so called “hippies” and others from that generation of “Baby Boomers,” as well as people from other age groups, became followers of Christ. Concurrent with that “awakening” was another “movement” called the Charismatic Renewal, in which thousands, if not millions, of people across a wide range of denominations and “non-denominations” received what many call the baptism and fullness of the Holy Spirit, complete with speaking in tongues, prophecy, and other manifestations of God’s Spirit. Many of those who came to Christ during that time became leaders in the church. What God did during that decade still impacts the church more than fifty years later.

One of the hallmarks of that ingathering was a profound interest in Christ’s Second Coming. People were fascinated with trying to piece together a proper sequence of future end-time events. Those who professed to know all about it worked out all kinds of charts showing their predicted scenarios. Many of us expected that Jesus would come very soon, just as did the early church.

The Gospel is the good news about a person named Jesus, who is the promised Messiah King of Israel. His grand mission is to reclaim and transform all creation under God’s rule. Jesus began his public ministry by proclaiming that “the kingdom of God is at hand.” The reason he could say that was because the King himself was then present on earth. Wherever king went, the kingdom was at hand. He introduced his kingdom rule into the lives of those who followed and believed in him by releasing them from the power of the devil and sin and calling them to follow him without reservation or hesitation.

His new way of living asks us to renounce all competing allegiances and surrender to his lordship in every area of life. This is what it means to follow Christ.

While he was here on earth physically, he was the epicenter of the kingdom of God and the focus of the messianic expectations of those around him. These expectations reached a crescendo when he entered Jerusalem on a donkey to the shouts of the crowd: “Hosanna to the Son of David!” Those present proclaimed that he was the long promised successor to David’s throne – the Messiah!

Believing that Jesus was a spiritual and political threat, the religious and civil authorities put him to death, apparently dashing the hopes of his followers. But this was all part of God’s eternal plan to redeem us from our sins. The Messiah King first had to suffer and die in order to pay the penalty for our sins. Three days later our hope was restored when Jesus emerged from the tomb! For forty days he instructed his band of faithful followers in the things related to his kingdom. Then Jesus ascended to heaven to sit at his heavenly Father’s right hand upon the throne of God, waiting for his enemies to be made his footstool and for the appointed time for his return, this time as the victorious and glorious King of Kings, the Son of Man prophesied by Daniel, who will judge the living and the dead and put an end to every other rival kingdom. He will permanently install God’s long awaited rule over all creation!

The Second Coming will be the culmination of God’s grand plan to redeem and restore all things to himself through his Son.

On Pentecost the Holy Spirit was unleashed to baptize and empower Christ’s followers. The apostle Peter, filled with the Spirit, preached the first sermon in this new age of the Spirit-filled church. His conclusion is quoted below.

“So let everyone in Israel know for certain that God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, to be both Lord and Messiah!” Acts 2:36 (NLT)

Peter’s listeners responded, “What should we do?” Why would they feel the need to do anything? It was because they realized that they were answerable to God for rejecting and murdering his Son, who, amazingly, was still alive and sitting on God’s throne!

Jesus’ resurrection made him the de facto ruler over all things to whom everyone must answer.

Behind Peter’s words is the understanding that Jesus will come again as the glorious Son of Man to judge every human being and punish those who choose to reject his benevolent rule.

The gospel is an invitation to all who have previously rejected the Messianic King to finally get right with God by confessing that Jesus is indeed the LORD, who has risen from the dead and who will come again one day to judge those who reject his kingly authority.

In Acts Chapter Three, Peter again preached.

Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away. 20 Then times of refreshment will come from the presence of the Lord, and he will again send you Jesus, your appointed Messiah. 21 For he must remain in heaven until the time for the final restoration of all things, as God promised long ago through his holy prophets.  Acts 3:19-21 (NLT)

The Gospel preaching of the early church was completely focused on the person named Jesus Christ, his lordship, and the Second Coming, which included the resurrection of the just and the evil, the last judgment, and the restoration of all things under God’s rule. It is no wonder that when this Gospel is preached, whether then or today, that those who hear and believe will become intensely interested in Jesus’ Second Coming!

The faith that saves is based on the Gospel revelation that Jesus is the Messiah King who is coming again to firmly establish God’s rule on earth.

Sadly, if all we do is present this glorious coming Lord as a “personal Savior” who rescues us from the consequence of our sin, it is no wonder that some people are not greatly moved and changed when they believe in him. A “personal savior” requires little or nothing from his adherents, but the glorious Lord of lords expects complete surrender from those who follow him!

Have we yet seen him for who he really is? Have we surrendered to him? Until we do that, we have not really known him.

Ask the Holy Spirit to open our eyes and heart, just as he did for those who heard Peter’s sermon so long ago.

Prayer

Holy Spirit, I ask you to reveal Jesus to me so that I may properly surrender my life to him. My desire is to know Jesus to the greatest degree possible and serve him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Amen.

Click here to see more articles about the gospel.

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Surrender Unlocks the Door to God’s Secret Place

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God has a secret place where we can find refuge from the trials and tempests of life. We gain entrance to that peaceful place by unconditionally surrendering to the Lord. Peace is one of God’s greatest gifts, which can never be enjoyed by the wicked, those who have never received forgiveness for their sins through Christ’s shed blood. Peace comes as a byproduct of being justified or made right with God.

Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Romans 5:1 (NLT)

We experience the peace that Christ won for us by placing our faith in his completed work on the cross, declaring publicly our allegiance to our Lord, and surrendering anything that is working actively against our peace to him in prayer.

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say, rejoice! 5 Let everyone see your gentleness. The Lord is near! 6 Do not be anxious about anything. Instead, in every situation, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, tell your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7 (NET)

In warfare, strife ceases and peace comes when one side unconditionally surrenders. As long as two opposing wills vie for supremacy, there can be no peace.

God’s will must triumph over ours if we wish to enter the secret place of God.

We are surrounded by Satan’s demonic forces who wish to destroy us, but, surprisingly, sometimes we are our own worst enemies.

Any fear or mistrust we may harbor in our hearts toward God can sabotage our efforts to be loyal to Him.

God is working out his plan for our lives, but if we stubbornly and fearfully refuse to go along with that plan, we may find ourselves opposing God and in need of His correction and deliverance.

Surrender to God and His will requires that we lay down our own agendas and our desire to control our lives.

It means that we must be open to the possibility that God will require us to go through something we dread. This possibility does not seem like good news. In fact, some of my readers may be rebuking this idea already, thinking it is outside of God’s will. But consider that Jesus warned Peter that in his latter years he would be required to go where he did not wish to go.

I tell you the truth, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked; you dressed yourself and went wherever you wanted to go. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and others will dress you and take you where you don’t want to go.” 19 Jesus said this to let him know by what kind of death he would glorify God. Then Jesus told him, “Follow me.” John 21:18–19 (NLT)

History tells us that Peter was martyred for his allegiance to Christ by being crucified upside down. Jesus knew that almost everyone of his disciples would die for their testimony; yet, he was not hesitant to call them to follow him. God is not squeamish about calling us to suffer for his sake.

For to you it has been granted for Christ’s sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake, Philippians 1:29 (NASB95)

Paul was informed at the time of his conversion that he would suffer greatly for his allegiance to Christ.

But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen instrument of Mine, to bear My name before the Gentiles and kings and the sons of Israel; 16 for I will show him how much he must suffer for My name’s sake.” Acts 9:15–16 (NASB95)

Peter and Paul surrendered themselves to Christ and his call upon their lives. They refused to run from or resist the call to suffer, which allowed them to experience God’s peace in the midst of what otherwise might have made them fearful.

Unless we unconditionally surrender to God, we cannot have unconditional peace.

Wisdom tells us that, no matter what God may allow to come into our lives, we are first to acknowledge His sovereignty, seek Him and His will in the matter, and then engage the enemy as directed.

When the Philistines attacked David, his first response was to seek the Lord, Who gave him specific instructions regarding how to proceed. Too often Christians flail about in sometimes misguided attempts to fend off spiritual attacks, rather than seek the Lord, who may be allowing the attack in order to do a deep work in the believer.

Sometimes the only way we can find freedom is by going through the very thing we fear so that we discover that God is greater.

When Jesus stood before Pilate, our Lord declared that the Roman ruler could only do to Him what God allowed.

So Pilate said, “Do you refuse to speak to me? Don’t you know I have the authority to release you, and to crucify you?” 11 Jesus replied, “You would have no authority over me at all, unless it was given to you from above. Therefore the one who handed me over to you is guilty of greater sin.” John 19:10-11 (NET)

Before going to the cross, at which time darkness would temporarily rule, Jesus first did business with His heavenly Father – the ultimate Ruler in every situation.

When we find ourselves in a test or trial, we should first go to God and be sure our hearts and wills are submitted to what He wishes to accomplish in our lives through the trial.

It is only against that backdrop of trust and submission that we can know more perfectly what other actions we must take. If instead we simply begin to engage in what we might want to call “spiritual warfare,” we may find ourselves unhappily resisting God Himself. Imagine if Jesus had rebuked Satan instead of surrendering to death as God’s Lamb! This is what Peter advised his Master to do, but Jesus rebuked his misguided friend by telling him that he did not have the things of God in mind. Imagine how foolish it would be for us to fearfully rebuke a pending trial that may be the avenue for our knowing Christ as Provider, Healer, or in whatever other way God wants us to know Him!

Check in with God first. Find out what He wants to do in us; then, join His program. This is what it means to have Christ as Lord.

A severe trial will often cause whatever rebelliousness and fear we still may have deeply buried in our hearts to bubble to the surface. God knew it was there all along, but we may be surprised to discover what is hidden inside of us.

The fire of affliction tests and reveals our hidden motives and the nature and strength of our faith. If we know God loves us enough to expose these things in order to deliver us, we will better be able to endure the process by faith.

Unless we go through the fire, we never know for sure what is inside us. Until we face our fears, the strength of our faith may be somewhat of a mystery. Soldiers who have never been in combat wonder what they will do under fire. No one can know for sure ahead of time. Once we go through our first battle, however, we know.

That which we previously dreaded can become for us a gateway into overcoming faith after we have faced it and found that God’s grace is sufficient and his promises are true.

Job had to endure what he feared so that his subtle self-righteousness and pride would bubble to the surface. God was far more interested in revealing Himself in a greater way to Job than in keeping him pain free.

When we realize that character transformation is a higher priority than our comfort and ease, we will begin to better understand God’s ways.

If we choose to be pliable in His hands, the Lord can mold us how He wishes. As long as our peace hinges on our obtaining a certain set of conditions or a certain answer to prayer, we will always be subject to the fear that God will not grant our wish. Being enslaved to our circumstances is a terrible way to live because we can never be completely at rest. What we dread could be just around the corner…and then what? It is no use trying to insulate ourselves from what we fear by “having enough faith.”

Faith was never designed to protect us from trials: rather, it keeps us while we are in trials.

Ponder Christ’s words:

I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have trouble and suffering, but take courage — I have conquered the world. John 16:33 (NET)

If we believe that trusting in Christ is our ticket to a trouble free life, we are in for a shock. Nothing could be further from the truth. We are actually appointed to tribulations.

We sent Timothy, our brother and fellow worker for God in the gospel of Christ, to strengthen you and encourage you about your faith, 3 so that no one would be shaken by these afflictions. For you yourselves know that we are destined for this. 1 Thessalonians 3:2-3 (NET)

Trials, afflictions, suffering and tribulations work for us. They teach us perseverance and build character. Here is what Paul wrote to the church in Rome.

Not only this, but we also rejoice in sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance, character, and character, hope. 5 And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:3-5 (NET)

When we resolve to use life’s tests and trials as opportunities to trust in God’s love and ability to keep and deliver us, we can experience unconditional peace. I call this “unconditional peace” because it does not depend on any outward circumstance or condition. Whether we live or die, we can have peace. Whether we get the answer we want or not, we have peace.

Peace resides in a Person, and His name is Jesus. As we fully surrender to that Person, we receive all of what that Person has and is.

One of His titles is the Prince of Peace. His peace becomes our peace, a peace that can never be shaken.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; I do not give it to you as the world does. Do not let your hearts be distressed or lacking in courage. John 14:27 (NET)

Moses wrote about this place of surrender and peace. It is a secret place hidden from life’s storms and the threats of the enemy. It is a place where God’s peace and presence reign undisturbed. We have access to that secret place by surrendering unconditionally to the Lord in every circumstance.

As for you, the one who lives in the shelter of the sovereign One, and resides in the protective shadow of the mighty king — 2 I say this about the LORD, my shelter and my stronghold, my God in whom I trust. Psalm 91:1-2 (NET)

We can only experience this sort of overcoming faith if we are convinced that God loves us more than we can imagine, is faithful to keep his promises, and is working all things for our good and his glory. (Romans 8:28)

 

SeeingGodsSmile nooksizeYou can read more about the secret place of God’s unconditional peace in my book, Seeing God’s Smile When Life Is Difficult, which can be ordered from Amazon. I wrote this to help people through severe trials, but is helpful to all who wish to develop overcoming faith.

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Passing On Three Spiritual Treasures

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God gave us three spiritual treasures in his Son, Jesus. If we receive these by faith, we can give them away to others. When Jesus was transfigured before three of his disciples, they heard God the Father speak from heaven about his Son, Jesus.

While he [Peter] was still speaking, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and behold, a voice out of the cloud said, "This is My beloved Son, with whom I am well-pleased; listen to Him!" Matthew 17:5 (NASB)

What Abba Father spoke over Jesus communicated three spiritual truths or treasures that God wants every one of his born-again children to receive. Jesus heard his Father tell him that he is loved, pleasing, and significant. Another way to put this is that Abba affirmed Jesus’ identity as a beloved son. Abba confirmed Jesus complete acceptance in that he was well-pleasing, and that he Jesus is significant and should be given heed.

Abba gave Jesus a secure sense of identity, acceptance, and significance, which all parents, especially fathers, are supposed to communicate to their own children, too.

If fathers communicate these things, it will equip their offspring to succeed in life. If they fail in this regard, it can create a void or wound that will need filling by someone or something else.

Identity

Knowing who we are is a foundation for successful living. We draw our identity from our parents, especially our fathers. We carry our parents’ DNA and are shaped by their example, words, and values. It is important for children to know that their parents “claim” them and acknowledge that they belong to them.

Too many children have absentee parents today, creating a void in their sense of identity. Abandoned children often wrongly deduce that they are unworthy of being loved, which establishes a negative identity and creates a deep wound in the heart. When a father is a poor examples of Abba, it leaves the child identifying with his bad example or trying to be not like his father. To be not something is a poor substitute for a positive identity.

When parents tell their children that they are beloved sons and daughters, it imparts the spiritual treasure that they are treasured and sets them on a solid foundation for future success. 

Security

It is one thing for a parent to love a child and quite another for that parent to show delight in him or her. I have heard parents say something like the following: “I love my child, but I do not like him.” Often parents love their children in the sense that they provide for, protect, and claim them as their own, but they fail to act as if or communicate that they genuinely delight in them. Children pick up on this mixed message, and it can create a deep sense of insecurity. It may cause our child to wonder what is wrong with me that makes me so unlovable. It may signal to her that God does not delight in her either. All of us need for someone to delight in us, and, if parents fail to delight in their children, it sets the stage for us to seek for that elsewhere, making us vulnerable to those who might wish to manipulate or abuse us.

However, when we show delight in our children, we impart a second great treasure which can contribute to their being secure as they launch out into life and have to deal with others who may not be so kind.

Significance

All of us want to feel significant, too. We want to believe that we count for something or are important in some way. Abba Father told the whole world to listen to this Son, affirming his paramount importance. Every child wants to know that his parents regard him to be significant in some way. We all are important in God’s eyes; although, how we are important varies and sometimes may be obscured by our obvious defects.

The gift of encouragement is able to see by faith what is hidden beneath the surface and can assist in bringing it forth.

If we as parents are being challenged with identifying a child’s significance, we should ask the Holy Spirit to enlighten us. If we communicate indifference or even negativity toward our children, it creates a wound and sets up a lie that promotes failure in many cases. Those with a more combative temperament may use such negativity as an incentive to succeed, but not from a secure position.

When we affirm our children and help them to identify their areas of significance, it will help them to succeed.

The Source of All Blessings

The Bible teaches us that God the Father is the ultimate source of every blessing.

Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. James 1:17 (NLT)

Those blessings that come through people originate in him. Earthly fathers are meant to imitate Abba by allowing His blessings to flow through them.

When earthly fathers speak blessings over their children, it opens a conduit from heaven in their lives.

When earthly fathers are passive or indifferent, it can prevent the desired blessing from being passed on to their children. If earthly fathers or mothers speak curses over their children, such as “You will never amount to anything.”,  it will create a wound and set up a lie that will likely be believed and acted out.

Ideally, natural fathers will bless their children and give to them the three spiritual treasures outlined above. Eventually, earthly fathers will be able to lead their children to put their faith and allegiance in Christ who will reveal the heavenly Abba to them.

The more faithfully we natural fathers imitate our heavenly Father, the easier it will be for our children to receive Abba’s love.

The more we fail to imitate Abba, the more deformed will be our children’s concept of God.

The Remedy

Whether or not we were privileged to have fathers who blessed us, the ultimate blessing always comes from Abba. He gives us all that we need in Christ.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, Ephesians 1:3 (NASB)

Even if we had terrible earthly fathers, Abba can more than make up for their failures. Jesus came to forgive us for our sins and restore us to a right relationship with Abba. Our Lord promises to reveal Abba’s heart to us. All we have to do is ask him.

No man has ever seen God at any time; the only unique Son, or the only begotten God, Who is in the bosom [in the intimate presence] of the Father, He has declared Him [He has revealed Him and brought Him out where He can be seen; He has interpreted Him and He has made Him known]. John 1:18 (AMP)

If there is a hole or wound in our soul, it is important for us to make it a priority to allow Abba Father to speak into our hearts as he did over Jesus. His words bring life, healing, and faith.

The Spirit alone gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life. John 6:63 (NLT)

His words to us can undo the damage created by the neglect or evil done by our natural fathers.

Abba’s words can put within us a proper sense of identity, security, and significance that will propel us into our God-given destiny.

Jesus was able to endure the hostility and attacks of his detractors because he had complete security in God. So can we with God’s help.

Prayer

Jesus, I did not receive from my earthly father all that I needed. I thank you that you died for my sins and reconciled me to my heavenly Father. I ask you to reveal our Father’s heart to me in a way that I can understand and receive. Help me to receive from him all I need to be all he wants me to be. Amen.

“My Father has entrusted everything to me. No one truly knows the Son except the Father, and no one truly knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.” Matthew 11:27 (NLT)
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Overcoming the Pain of Self-Inflicted Loneliness

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For most people, loneliness is a painful and undesirable condition. We may experience it through no fault of our own, or it may be that we bring it upon ourselves. We may be our own worst enemy, repelling potential friends because we blindly hate in others what we despise in ourselves.

You may think you can condemn such people, but you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things. Romans 2:1 (NLT)

We may experience self-inflicted loneliness by being critical and judgmental toward ourselves and others.

As anyone who has lived very long knows, most of us do not respond well to criticism. When criticize others, it reveals that we see ourselves as their judge. It is difficult to be the friend of a judge.

Jesus was called the “friend of sinners.”

Tax collectors and other notorious sinners often came to listen to Jesus teach.  2  This made the Pharisees and teachers of religious law complain that he was associating with such sinful people—even eating with them! Luke 15:1-2 (NLT)

It was a derogatory title pinned on him by the Jewish religious leaders, who held many of those whom Jesus befriended in contempt. Those leaders believed that they were morally superior because of their knowledge of the Law and their imagined adherence to it. The truth is that we all fall short of God’s glory and fail to measure up to his standard of righteousness. (Romans 3:23)

No one is ever in a place to despise other human beings.

Jesus, on the other hand, who was truly superior in every way, gladly chose to be with those whom the religious leaders shunned. Those labeled as “sinners” picked up on Jesus’ love and were attracted to him, at least the ones whose hearts were open to his message of hope and forgiveness. The interesting thing is that Jesus calls us to leave our sin and follow him, but he does it in such a way that draws humble people toward him rather than pushing them away, as the religious hypocrites did.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29  Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30  For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 (NLT)

Criticism breeds criticism. Rejection usually experiences rejection in return, but love draws people.

Only God has the right to condemn people for their sins. Thankfully, he provided a remedy for our guilt in his Son, who died on our behalf in order to provide forgiveness and reconciliation. Those who reject the good news that Jesus took our sins upon himself, can only expect judgment from God when they die and stand before him. However, those who believe the gospel receive and enjoy God’s love. God’s heart is open toward anyone who is willing to admit his or her desperate need for forgiveness and help.

Pride is harsh and unforgiving, but humility is gentle and inviting. Pride inspires us to criticize and judge others; while, humility prompts us to show mercy.

Demonstrating humility is a huge key to overcoming self-inflicted loneliness by drawing and keeping friends.

Mature followers of Christ learn how to make proper assessments of people without descending into thinking we are somehow superior. Jesus completely knows people and their motives, but that did not keep him aloof or prevent him from being kind and merciful toward us. Nothing is hidden from him, but his heart remains open to those who are open to him, regardless of their shortcomings and failures. That is one reason we have hope.

We may find that those we formerly criticized and rejected have much to offer in the way of friendship, if we treat them as we wish to be treated. We can ask the Holy Spirit to take the “log” out of our own eyes, so that we will be able to properly see others through God’s eyes. If we make the effort to be friends with those whom we may be tempted to judge, just maybe someone will decide to be a friend of that other sinner each of us knows so very well.

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Cognitive Dissonance – Gateway to Repentance

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Cognitive dissonance describes the unease we feel when we are confronted with new information that opposes what we have always thought to be true. It forces us to decide either to embrace the new truth or reject it in favor of what we previously thought. Repentance is the English word that translates the Greek metanoeo, which means to change the mind. It is easy to see that cognitive dissonance often precedes repentance.

Jesus called Satan the “father of lies” in whom there is no truth at all. (John 8:44) Since the Garden of Eden, his master plan for humanity is to deceive us into joining him in his rebellion against God and thereby destroy us. He cannot directly curse us, but he can trick us into sinning and bringing upon ourselves God’s righteous judgment. 

The Bible says that Satan deceives the entire world or inhabited earth (Revelation 12:9); so, we should not imagine we are immune to his lies. The Bible goes on to say that the entire world or cosmos lies in Satan’s power. (1 John 5:19) His lies extend to every area of human thought and activity, not just the religious realm. Morality, science, education, medicine, government, the media, and all human relations also are impacted by the breadth and depth of Satan’s deception. 

The purpose of the devil’s lies is to keep us from seeing and embracing God and his truth, which has the power to save and liberate us. (John 8:31-32) 

In the church and the world, false teachers feed us lies to set us up to see or understand things incorrectly so that when we encounter truth it seems wrong to us. This was certainly true regarding Jesus’ first coming. False teachers taught the Jewish people to expect a Messiah who would restore Israel to its former prominence and glory, overthrow Roman oppression, and be God’s instrument to rule and bless the world. When the real Messiah showed up, those false expectations kept most people from recognizing him. The cognitive dissonance created by Jesus’ not being what they expected from the Messiah required that:

  1. They repent from their false belief and embrace God’s truth, or,
  2. They reject the true Messiah in favor of a false version of reality.

The Bible gives us clear examples of each. Nicodemus was a Pharisee who was steeped in the pride of being part of the ruling religious elite and who had been indoctrinated to see things from a narrow legal perspective regarding all things spiritual. Nevertheless, when he was confronted by the obvious truth that God was behind the miracles Jesus performed (John 3:2), he was open to changing his mind. He decided to talk one-on-one with the Lord, which apparently led to his conversion (John 19:39). In his case, cognitive dissonance prompted him to further investigate the claims that stood in opposition to his former thinking. This is how cognitive dissonance can become a gateway to repentance.

On the other side, we have many examples of those who experienced cognitive dissonance in Jesus’ presence but chose to reject his claims and hang on to their old way of thinking rather than repent. One of the clearest examples is when Jesus healed the blind man in John Chapter 9. When confronted by the obvious miracle, the Pharisees refused to acknowledge God’s hand in it. The man who had been healed called them out.

We know that God does not hear sinners; but if anyone is God-fearing and does His will, He hears him. 32 “Since the beginning of time it has never been heard that anyone opened the eyes of a person born blind. 33 “If this man were not from God, He could do nothing.” 34 They answered him, “You were born entirely in sins, and are you teaching us?” So they put him out. John 9:31–34 (NASB95)

The previously blind man could clearly see that Jesus was from God, but those who were educated in the Bible refused to acknowledge the obvious. How ironic. And because they refused to embrace truth when confronted with it, their judgment was sealed.

And Jesus said, “For judgment I came into this world, so that those who do not see may see, and that those who see may become blind.” 40 Those of the Pharisees who were with Him heard these things and said to Him, “We are not blind too, are we?” 41 Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would have no sin; but since you say, ‘We see,’ your sin remains. John 9:39–41 (NASB95)

Cognitive dissonance either opens our hearts to repent and accept the truth or it welds shut the gates of our self-imposed prison of lies. What we do when we are confronted with the truth of God’s Word greatly affects our destinies.

This principle holds for all areas of truth. We are tested in our allegiance to God’s Word above all things. When God’s truth confronts long held false beliefs, we are faced with a choice – repent or worship the false idol represented by the lie. May God grant us repentance and a willingness to let go of everything that contradicts God’s Word.

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