My father had a saying: “The banana that stays with the bunch doesn’t get peeled.” Hungry wolves and lions like to “peel off” weak and young members of the herd to hunt down, kill, and eat. In the animal world, there is safety in remaining with the herd and great danger in going solo. This is true when it comes to the church, too. Unfortunately, today many are choosing to abandon the church community and go solo, often with very poor results.

The reasons for this exodus from the organized church are many. Almost all of us who have been in the church world for very long can tell stories of how we were mistreated and disappointed by people we thought had our best interests in mind. I like to remind people at times that someone out there blames you for their troubles, too. As one of my dear old friends is famous for saying: “We are all offenses waiting to happen.” Because we are human beings, we offend people, sometimes intentionally and sometimes quite accidentally. This happens in every organization and institution, including the family, down to the most basic building block of society, the marriage couple. When offenses happen, we can either abandon ship or work our way through them. Some offenses are so grievous they require us to go elsewhere, but most can be worked through.

Many who are flying solo now formerly attended a church out of a sense of habit, duty, or tradition. The corona virus chaos over the last couple of years exploded all this. Many churches closed their doors for an extended period of time, out of fear or a sense of duty, breaking people’s habit of going to the trouble and effort to attend meetings in person. Internet meetings seemed to be the way for some sort of connection to remain in place while we quarantined ourselves. New habits were formed as a result, that of staying home and relating from afar. We discovered that in some cases this is a real “plus,” allowing us to connect with people who live far away or who are truly incapable of getting out and about. In other cases, using the internet to replace in person meetings has proved to be quite dissatisfying and has opened a sort of Pandora’s Box of related evils, the greatest one being the great falling away of people from church attendance.

There are certain things that can only happen when we meet face to face. Assembling in person with other disciples on a regular basis accomplishes many good things.

Let’s take a look at one of the seminal Bible verses that apply to our topic.

All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals (including the Lord’s Supper), and to prayer. Acts 2:42 (NLT) 

I will approach these four point in the order of a typical small group meeting.

First, we need fellowship. Most of our small groups prioritize eating together as part of the meeting. There is something special about the fellowship and camaraderie that happens around the table. Church is supposed to be a place where deep and lasting friendships are built, and this can most easily happen in a small group setting. We need to have people in our lives who know us well enough to be able to tell if things are going well for us or not. We need those who can speak into our lives with truth and love. We need each other. Generally this happens best in person, when possible.

Secondly, we need to encouraged and exhorted. Paul wrote in his letter to the church at Rome that he longed to see them in order that he might strengthen them and be strengthened in return. (Romans 1:11-12) God created us to be mutually interdependent. None of us has everything that is needed to have a complete perspective on life. None of us has everything in the way of spiritual gifts. God wants us to receive from one another, and this most easily takes place when we gather with other disciples.

Thirdly, solid Bible teaching is crucial to our continued development and growth as a disciple. Deception most easily enters the picture when we abandon the input from trusted people in our lives who are willing to speak truth to us. Solomon wrote:

Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment. Proverbs 18:1 (ESV) 

This does not mean everyone in a group must toe the line and embrace group think. It does mean that we listen to others, examine the Scriptures for ourselves, and allow ourselves to be accountable to people we love and trust.

Lastly, we almost always spend time in prayer, giving thanks to our Lord, who is the Creator, Sustainer, and Redeemer. We pray for whatever is important to those present, including for one another. This is when being together is so important because when we lay hands on one another and pray, often the Holy Spirit operates through those present in various gifts, such as prophecy and healing. This can take place over the phone or internet, too, but in person is the only place where we can actually lay hands on someone. The laying on of hands is a very important principle mentioned in Hebrews 6:1-2.

The author of the letter to the Hebrews also wrote:

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. 25  And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.Hebrews 10:24-25 (NLT) 

When God sent a worldwide deluge to destroy the wicked, he had Noah build an ark to provide the means to save one family which He would use to repopulate the earth. Only those who entered and remained in the ark were saved.

The ark is an Old Covenant picture of the New Testament church. We are in the midst of a storm of another kind today. This is not the time for us to abandon ship, so to speak, by isolating ourselves from other believers. Instead, we should realize how much we need one another now more than ever.

Another time in the Bible when a ship was in a storm was when Jesus and the disciples were on the Sea of Galilee. Although the disciples feared for their lives, the presence of Jesus in the boat guaranteed their safety. The same is true for the church today. Jesus, Immanuel, is with us. There is nothing to fear. We may think everything is falling apart, but we should never abandon ship. When the Prince of Peace is with us, we have nothing to fear. He is Lord over the storms we encounter in life. Stay in the boat.

If your boat is sinking, however, sometimes it is necessary to abandon ship. I tell people that we can often discern where God wants us to be in fellowship with other believers by looking at the following points. If the church you are part of or are thinking of joining (or leaving) has these things, it is probably a good fit.

1. Does the church teach the Bible without watering it down to fit whatever the latest cultural errors are?
2. Does the church have trustworthy leadership? Can you honestly follow these people and entrust your life to them?
3. Is the church’s vision something you can wholeheartedly embrace? We want to be able to walk in step with where the church is going and not pull against it.
4. Do you feel the Holy Spirit nudging you to be a part of this group?

If we are looking for a perfect church with perfect leaders and people, we will never find it, and if we do, it will no longer be perfect after we join it.

Groucho Marx resigned from the Friar’s Club by saying that he did not want to be part of a club that would have him for a member. It is safe to say that he would never join any club, and some people have their reasons for not belonging to any church. Life is not a comedy routine however.

It all comes down to a matter of the heart. If we are determined not to walk with others on the discipleship journey, we can always find reasons. If we want to sound spiritual, we can blame our decision on the Lord’s leading. However, when in a dangerous neighborhood, it is much safer to walk with those who are going to the same place we want to go. This world in which we live is a dangerous place.

To sum it up, if you have abandoned ship, either go back aboard or find another one going to your desired destination. Don’t disobey God by trying to go solo. Too much is at stake.