As if accurately modeling Christ’s love to our wives were not daunting enough, men who have children are charged to be representatives of Father God, too.
Good fathers provide their children with a first and lasting idea of Abba’s character and love.
Jesus perfectly represented his Father to us, and we must do the best we can for our children.
Because of the poor job done by many human fathers, our heavenly Father has a public relations problem. I remember praying with one woman who had experienced terrible things at the hands of an abusive step-father. When she contemplated praying directly to Father God, it scared her. She had a very poor impression of a God who would allow such things to happen to her. That poisoned caricature of her loving Abba painted by a man who failed in his charge of properly representing Abba kept her from having a loving relationship with her Creator Father God for many years. Thankfully, Jesus set her free from all that, and she eventually came to trust her Abba. Conversely, when a father properly models Abba’s heart to his children, it gives them a tremendous advantage in life and in their knowledge of and relationship with God.
Knowing Abba is our greatest quest in life, and modeling Abba to our children is the greatest role in life.
If we succeed here, we have done what is most important. If we fail here, we will have transgressed in a major way and hurt a life incalculably. Below are some ways we can properly represent Abba to our children. But first, let’s meditate on the following passage from Ephesians.
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19 (ESV)
Fathers lavish kindness and love on their children and delight in them.
The “Parable of the Prodigal Son” is a great example. Many think that story should be entitled “The Parable of the Prodigal Father” instead. To be prodigal means to spend lavishly or wastefully. We learn from this parable that…
Fathers are to lavish love and attention on their children, even when they do not respond in kind. In other words, it is unconditional.
If we did not receive this kind of love from our own dads, we must ask Abba to teach us how to give away to our children what we did not receive. Abba loved us even when we were his enemies.
In order to do this, we must first receive love from Abba, if we want to have something give away.
The worst thing we can do is to model to our children the idea that Father God is indifferent and distant from us. We must choose to properly present a father’s love so that children gain the idea that God wants them around and is vitally interested in the details of their lives. The proper word to describe all this is “delight.” One of the great revelations in life is when we find out that Abba actually likes us, as well as loves us. Children know when they are merely tolerated. When parents show more affection for one child than another, it communicates rejection. This was true in the case of Joseph and his brothers. They hated him for it, probably because it so wounded their hearts that they were not loved in the same way. Good earthly fathers delight in their children. Of course, we will not be able to do this for our children, if we have not come to understand that Abba delights in us. We can only give away what we have received. This puts a burden on every father to seek God for what we need to be for our children.
Abba spoke words of affirmation and delight over his Son.
But even as he spoke, a bright cloud came over them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy. Listen to him.” Matthew 17:5 (NLT)
Delight does more to affirm our children than perhaps anything else we can do for them.
Every child hopes and longs for his or her father’s approval. Do not withhold it. The withholding of delight is a powerfully negative form of covert rejection. Children know the difference between the words, “I love you,” and genuine delight.
Sometimes a father’s love is not returned, at least for a while, if his son or daughter is self-centered and determined to learn life’s lessons the hard way. Abba-like fathers will be there for their children when they finally come to their senses. Fathers who properly love their children will provide the kind of secure family atmosphere that God intends for all children.
Fathers bless their children and provide a secure and safe environment for growth and expression.
Earthly fathers, like shepherds, are charged with providing a safe and secure environment in which their children can grow and thrive.
The LORD is my shepherd; I have all that I need. 2 He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. Psalm 23:1-2 (NLT)
An important aspect of a father’s protection is shielding his children from undue criticism or rejection. Little children do not have adult abilities to discern what is true and what is opinion. Whatever a father tells his child will be believed when children are young.
If fathers speak words of affirmation and encouragement, it will build the child on the inside. Fathers who tear down their children with negative hurtful words impact those little lives for a lifetime in the wrong direction.
Children need to know they are protected from outside dangers and that the one they trust will never betray them. This is how ABBA is. It is how we fathers must be, too.
Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. James 1:17 (NLT)
Abba is the source of all blessings, and he designed things so that blessings flow from him through earthly fathers to their families, if everything is working as it should.
If an earthly father is serving the devil, demonic anti-blessings (curses) may be passed down.
Fathers need to realize that they are part of a long relay race coming down through the generations.
Every child inherits good and bad things from previous generations of fathers. Good decisions made by previous fathers often provide residual blessings for generations to come. Conversely sins and poor life decisions made by previous generations of fathers can negatively impact children, grandchildren, etc. We are not responsible for the sins of our ancestors, but we may reap the consequences of their sins. This called the law of sowing and reaping. (Galatians 6:7) Only Jesus can set us free from this vicious cycle. (If you want to read more about how this works, click here.)
One of the great things any father can do for his children is consciously and deliberately speak blessings aloud over them.
It may be done at a special blessing event when the child arrives at a milestone in life, such as a 16th birthday. It can and should be done informally on a continual basis. A father’s blessing carries great weight and goes a long way to insuring success. A father’s “curse,” hurtful words spoken in anger and spite, go into the heart and soul of the child, guaranteeing future problems, unless that child is set free by Jesus.
Good fathers carefully guard their words to their children, knowing that what they say shapes their lives.
Fathers teach their children how to be successful in life.
When children are small, they need love and watchful care. As they mature, they must be prepared for the coming day when they will be thrust into the world as self-governing adults, who will need to provide for their own families. Fathers are charged to teach their children a wide variety of life skills, including a love for the truth, a fear of God, a devotion to Jesus, love for family, loyalty to friends, obedience to authority, and faithfulness in performing responsibilities. Fathers have the ability to intuitively know in what areas each of their children have talent and can gently guide them into appropriate fields of work. Fathers should model how to be a good husband and father and teach their sons and daughters how to select a spouse.
Fathers discipline their children.
For the LORD corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights. Proverbs 3:12 (NLT)
Loving fathers discipline their children. The opposite is also true, disinterested fathers fail in this area. Discipline is difficult. It requires loving firmness and consistency. When parents get lazy, they tend to let their children get away with things until things reach a point that the parents get angry and react sometimes inappropriately harshly. Proper discipline is done with love and restraint with the ultimate good of the child in mind. We are preparing children for life, not simply trying to make things easy for ourselves as parents.
Fathers release their children into adulthood.
Godly fathers get more pleasure in seeing their sons and daughters excel than in succeeding themselves.
They are able to hand off the baton and get out of the way as soon as possible and advisable. Fathers want their children to grow up and be able to make wise decisions; so, they provide opportunities to make some choices while they still under their watchful supervision. While children are very small, they must be led with a strong hand, but as they grow older, parents must learn to give them room to develop, mature, and “spread their wings.” We should encourage our children that they are able to survive and thrive in the “adult” world.
If we succeed in adequately representing ABBA to our children and others we may mentor, we lay a foundation for their spiritual and practical growth that is incalculable.
If we misrepresent God in these areas, we can do enormous damage. Where there has been abuse or abandonment, children will need to overcome deeply embedded lies about who Abba is and what his attitude toward them is. Where there has been a failure to protect, children may have difficulty in trusting God. Where there has been criticism, children may fear expressing their true opinions and personalities or even attempting new things.
We dads have enormous shoes to fill, but God’s grace is sufficient.
It may be that you will need significant healing and breakthroughs in accepting God’s love and truth in your own life before you can be an effective father. If that is the case, please do not delay in getting the help you need. There is no sense in passing on our dysfunction to another generation. Perhaps the challenge of being a good father will be just the motivation you need to finally come to know your heavenly Father as he desires. It may well be the greatest thing to ever happen to you.
I am writing to you, fathers, because you know Him who has been from the beginning... 1 John 2:13 (NASB)
