Two significant gender specific roles men may play over a lifetime are husband and father.
Both are so weighty and beyond our natural ability that we must rely on God’s help. If we get these right, we will be a huge blessing. If we fail, we will damage those we should be helping. First, we will look at how husband represent Christ to their wives.
The following passage written by Paul to the church in Ephesus is often used in pre-marital counseling, post-marital counseling, in the wedding service itself, and generally in teaching the responsibility of husbands to love their wives. Unfortunately, men often focus more on what Paul wrote to wives regarding obeying their husbands, instead of on what God says to us men.
Scripture was never meant to be used as a whip to beat others into submission. Rather, it is given to bring us to repentance and obedience ourselves. When men learn to love their wives properly, their wives will be encouraged to lovingly and biblically relate to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Ephesians 5:25-28 (ESV)
God has made us husbands responsible to love our wives as Christ loves the church. There could hardly be a more challenging and humbling role. Jesus called himself the Good Shepherd. Husbands are shepherds to their families, representing the Chief Shepherd in various ways.
We husbands are to model Christ to our wives and families in attitude, word, and deed.
We will only be able to get this right with the help of God’s Spirit. It is no small thing to be Christ’s representative in the home. We will greatly influence our wives and children either positively or negatively, depending how well we do this. God charges every husband with the duty of loving his wife sacrificially, providing for her, protecting her, teaching her, developing her, helping her, and giving her godly leadership.
Many young men come into marriage with a very selfish perspective, which is the opposite of Christ. Young men are selfish sexually and in their use of time and money. The wife is often more naturally nurturing and unselfish and can be deeply hurt by her young self-centered husband over and over again during these early years. Husbands are told to be gentle with their wives. Harshness undermines our role as Christ’s representative.
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 (NLT)
God works in men through marriage to make us more other-centered and unselfish. This is part of our preparation for dynamic fatherhood. Let’s take a look at some specific aspects of our responsibilities as husbands.
Husbands model Christ’s unselfish love through serving.
Shepherds exist to care for the sheep. If you are a man who thinks that your wife and children are supposed to wait on you because you work so hard all day, you are a man who does not understand Christ’s relationship to the church. Jesus poured out his life for his followers – literally. He washed their feet. He suffered and died for them. Despite clearly understanding his role as Lord, he did not “lord it over” them.
Husbands should view themselves as the home’s chief servant. Our families learn Christ from us.
Sacrificially loving our wives means we put their needs and desires in front of our own, which is not easy for us to do. We are called to deny our own wants in order to bless her. This means we cannot do everything we want to do as young men. As Jesus put it: we are not here to serve ourselves, but others.
So Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. 43 But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, 44 and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. 45 For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:42-45 (NLT)
Husbands are providers.
As shepherds of their families, an important way that men serve their families is by providing for them.
Some men feel overwhelmed by this responsibility, but that is only because they have not learned that Abba Father is fully committed to provide for them.
As husbands and fathers grow in their relationship with Abba, it helps them properly represent Christ. In years past, men were expected to be the sole breadwinners. Today the husband and wife often share this burden, and in some cases the wife may be the primary earner. There is nothing inherently wrong with this set up. It may simply reflect the wife’s greater abilities and opportunities. It can go wrong, however, if the husband begins to think less of himself because of his wife’s success, or if the wife begins to despise her husband as a result. Regardless of who makes the most money for the family, the husband can never abdicate his responsibility carry the primary spiritual weight of being the provider. Nor is he allowed to slip into a despondent or passive attitude, thereby thrusting the weight of the role of provider onto the shoulders of his wife.
The LORD is my shepherd; I have all that I need. 2 He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. Psalm 23:1-2 (NLT)
Husbands are protectors of the family.
Shepherds protect their flocks from outside attack and from bullies inside the flock. This protection includes financial, spiritual, relational, and physical aspects.
Husbands are called to be the “point man” to confront the enemy, to stand in the gap for their families.
A husband who is introverted and less bold should never press his wife to do the hard and and uncomfortable things; so he can avoid his responsibilities. Any woman who does this for her husband becomes an enabler. The husband is supposed to take the initiative to ensure that the forces of darkness are kept at bay. He should close all known doors of temptation and demonic oppression through personal repentance and careful watching.
Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. 5 You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Psalm 23:4-5 (NLT)
Husbands are teachers.
Many adults were never taught the great truths of the Bible or how to do even the simplest things by their parents. Husbands should take the lead in seeking the Lord with their wives and helping them grow in the Lord. We should be humble enough to draw upon whatever knowledge and wisdom our wives possess. Wives may come into the marriage far ahead of us in spiritual things, but this is no excuse for not taking responsibility. There is an “anointing” upon the husband to lead and teach. God will help us “catch up” if we are behind.
We cannot allow ourselves to be intimidated in spiritual matters. This puts a responsibility on husbands to study. Many men are lazy when it comes to spiritual things and, as a result, have little to offer, which is a great travesty and robs the wife and family of what God would have provided for them.
Husbands are leaders.
Leading does not mean that husbands get their way exclusively or have permission to “lord it over” their wives and children. It does mean that he must seek God and work with his wife to arrive at wise and godly decisions.
Even if a husband delegates some of the decision making to his wife, he is ultimately responsible before God.
Modeling leadership is one of the most effective ways to lead. The husband models what it means to be a servant leader. His wife and children benefit from the way he pours himself out in loving service to them.
He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. Psalm 23:2 (NLT)
Husbands are developers.
One of the goals of a godly husband is to help his wife become all God intends, thereby reaching her full potential. Wives were never intended to be passive doormats. They complement their husbands and often have tremendous callings and abilities that need to be developed and flourish. The amazing woman in Proverbs 31 is our model.
