Bitterness imprisons its victims and subjects them to demonic harassment, a version of self-inflicted torture.

Jesus was very clear on this matter.

Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ 34 Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. 35 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.” Matthew 18:32–35 (NLT)

For a number of reasons, bitterness is one of the most serious sins that a believer in Christ can commit.

First of all, bitterness undercuts the mercy shown to us when we were forgiven. Forgiveness is the act of releasing an offender from a debt. In the parable quoted above, Jesus used a financial debt to illustrate the principle. Most of us however, do not owe God a debt of money. Ours is much more serious. The sin debt can never be paid by us. The parable of the unrighteous servant made this clear. The servant owed his master a vast sum. He asked for more time to pay it off, but the master knew that it was hopeless and forgave him the entire amount.

In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace Ephesians 1:7 (NASB) 

It is apparent that the servant did not appreciate his situation. He did not realize that he needed mercy, not more time. As a result, he imagined that he could eventually pay what he thought he still owed. He did not accept his being released from debt or he would have acted differently. Instead he roughly treated someone who owed him a minor debt and threw him in prison when he could not pay. When the master heard, his anger flared, and you know the rest of the story.

To forgive is to release someone from the debt they owe us.

It does not release them from God’s justice. It does not require us to trust them or be reconciled to them. Forgiveness is a one-way street. Reconciliation requires both parties participate.

Some of us imagine that if we forgive someone it will be equivalent to saying that what they did was no big deal. Nothing could be farther from the truth! It is quite the opposite. We cannot adequately forgive someone until we face the evil they perpetrated against us. We should never minimize the sin when offering forgiveness. Instead, we should acknowledge what they did and release them from any hatred or resentment we may have harbored against them. In addition, we let go of any demands we have made on them as “pay back”.

When we forgive a person, they are released from owing us anything, but that does not release them from their sin debt against God.

There is only one way to be released from that – by trusting in Jesus’ shed blood. Jesus offered himself as the Lamb of God to pay the penalty for our sins. We find our personal forgiveness that way, and anyone who sins against God can find the same release from divine justice. We can release guilty people from the debt they may owe us, but only God can remove guilt and condemnation. 

Whoever does not take advantage of God’s magnanimous offer through he gospel will face the awful wrath of God as the judgment. Vengeance belongs to God, not us. When we release people from our own demand for justice, it puts them squarely in God’s hand, the one to whom vengeance belongs.

Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the LORD. 20 Instead, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.” 21 Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good. Romans 12:19–21 (NLT)

When we refuse to forgive others, it is tantamount to saying we do not need forgiveness.

People who would perish in hell except for God’s undeserved mercy should not self-righteously refuse to extend mercy to others. Otherwise, we may be saying we have a higher standard of justice than God! This is the central message of the parable of the unrighteous servant.

Some say that when we forgive it is not as much for the other person as it is for ourselves. In fact, both are true. We release others from our judgment which frees them up to face God directly instead of being distracted by our offense against them. Additionally, we release ourselves from the prison of bitterness, a very painful and lonely place.

It is a scriptural principle that whatever we focus upon tends to control and mold us. The more we focus on what we should not be doing, the greater it dominates our thoughts. Contrariwise, when we focus on the Lord, we are changed into his image.

Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. 18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. 2 Corinthians 3:17–18 (NKJV)

When we focus on sin, it molds us into its image, according to Paul.

The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. 1 Corinthians 15:56 (NKJV)

What shall we say then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! On the contrary, I would not have known sin except through the law. For I would not have known covetousness unless the law had said, “You shall not covet.” 8 But sin, taking opportunity by the commandment, produced in me all manner of evil desire. For apart from the law sin was dead. 9 I was alive once without the law, but when the commandment came, sin revived and I died. 10 And the commandment, which was to bring life, I found to bring death. 11 For sin, taking occasion by the commandment, deceived me, and by it killed me. Romans 7:7–11 (NKJV)

Instead, when we focus on the Lord and worship him, we are transformed into his image by the Holy Spirit.

When we hold a bitterness against someone, we end up dwelling on the offense. As we meditate upon our resentment and the evil done to us, we are changed into its image. Ironically, bitterness transforms us the one we hate.

God will intervene on our behalf, realizing that we have not yet learned the meaning and value of mercy. In his mercy, he will lock us up in our self-made prison and assign torturers to oppress us until we come to our senses. God does this because he loves us. He knows that we can never adequately experience the joys of forgiveness until we learn to forgive.

If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. 15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14–15 (NLT)

When we imprison ourselves in bitterness, we do not experience the felt presence of God. Joy dries up. We cannot hear the Spirit speak to us. In addition, God grants demonic oppressors permission to harass us until we repent.

When I counsel people, one of the first things I address is bitterness because I have found that no progress can be made until we let go of bitterness.

Everyone who imprisons themselves in a dungeon of bitterness is given a key to open the door and walk out into freedom. It is called repentance and forgiveness.

We change our mind about holding on to offenses and release people from owing us anything at all. When we do this, the prison door swings upon and we are free to go.

Bitterness can be obvious to us and very subtle as well. Sometimes people are bitter without realizing it. We can be bitter against God, ourselves, and others. Those who are offended with God are in deep peril. Jesus warned against this great danger.

Once when Jesus shared a teaching that was hard to understand, many of his followers turned back and ceased to follow him. Observing this, Jesus asked his disciples:

Does this offend you? 62 What then if you should see the Son of Man ascend where He was before? John 6:61b–62 (NKJV)

Sometimes God offends our intellects to test our hearts. He does not explain everything he does. Instead, he asks us to trust him, even during difficult times.

Taking offense at God is the height of arrogance.

To do so it is to say we are more righteous than he! I have known many people who turned their backs on God because he did something or allowed something that they thought was unforgivable. If this is something you have done, I encourage you to repent at once. Admit that we have no right to accuse God of anything ever. Humbling ourselves before God opens the door to many blessings.

And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me.” Matthew 11:6 (NKJV)

Sometimes we might take offense with ourselves, thinking that we do not deserve mercy of forgiveness. If we are tempted to do this, it means we have never truly understood the depths of our personal depravity. We still imagine that people are not so bad after all. But the Bible teaches us that no one is righteous before God. No one deserves mercy, not even me. Those who understand their spiritually bankrupt state are able to freely receive mercy from God. Those of us who are self-righteous have a more difficult time. Get over it. We are not good people. We need mercy that we can never earn!

Bitterness against other people is usually what we have to overcome, however. It is usually pretty easy to spot a bitter person. They keep talking about the offense because it is always fresh in their minds. If we keep bringing up what someone did to us, we can conclude that we have not yet forgiven that person.

Jesus said that we must forgive from the heart, which is impossible without help from the Holy Spirit.

Sometimes we simply need to admit that we need help to forgive. I remember counseling a person who could not bring themselves to forgive someone. I asked them if they were willing for God to make them willing. They were; so, I led them in a prayer to that effect. Afterward they were able to forgive.

Forgiveness is an act of the will. We choose to forgive and trust the Holy Spirit to make it heartfelt… eventually.

When we pray to forgive, it is not enough to ask the Lord to help us to do so. We must say it. Lord, I forgive (fill in the blank) for (fill in the blank).

Sometimes we know immediately whom we need to forgive. Sometimes we need to ask the Holy Spirit to show us. We should not become introspective about it. Rather, we should trust the Spirit to show us anyone we need to forgive. He will do it because God takes a vital interest in delivering us from this terrible sin.

We should love mercy because the merciful will receive mercy, something we all desperately need.

God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Matthew 5:7 (NLT)

For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment. James 2:13 (NKJV)

Only those who humbly acknowledge their own great need for mercy will experience the fullness of God’s love and forgiveness. The more we understand our need for mercy, the more we will love God and be able to forgive others.

“I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” Luke 7:47 (NLT)

Prayer

Lord, forgive me for arrogantly imagining that I am not in desperate need of your mercy. I receive your mercy and choose to forgive. (Be as specific as necessary.) Now, Holy Spirit, release me from all bitterness. I walk out of my self-imposed prison into the glorious freedom of forgiveness. Amen.

You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Colossians 3:13 (NLT)