Being a disciple of Jesus Christ is a “love-hate” relationship. We are to love Him so much that all other relationships take a back seat.

The Lord used hyperbole in the following verse to make his point.

If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. Luke 14:26 (NASB)

Jesus does not advocate hating our family, but, whenever there is a conflict of interest, we must come down on the side of God.

Some of us have been or will be confronted with making a choice between pleasing a family member, friend, colleague, or some other important person in our lives or Jesus. This is no small matter. We may suffer great loss and pain because of the choice we make. The early disciples faced such critical moments.

Then they brought the apostles before the high council, where the high priest confronted them. 28  “Didn’t we tell you never again to teach in this man’s name?” he demanded. “Instead, you have filled all Jerusalem with your teaching about him, and you want to make us responsible for his death!” 29  But Peter and the apostles replied, “We must obey God rather than any human authority. Acts 5:27-29 (NLT) 

When we choose God over family, friends, culture, and familiar and important places, institutions, and people, it pushes us into what some call a liminal space of uncertainty between what was and what is to come.

Abraham chose God over his home, culture, friends, and what was familiar. During his journey to Canaan, he was in a liminal space. When he arrived at the “promised land,” he still had no place to call his own. Following the Lord can be like that, which requires us to find our security in God.

Those with whom we relate impact our lives for good or bad. The opposite is also true: we impact others for good or bad. Therefore, every relationship we have should be submitted to the Lord. This means we should allow the Holy Spirit to guide us in our choice of friends.

The righteous should choose his friends carefully, For the way of the wicked leads them astray. Proverbs 12:26 (NKJV)

Don't let anyone deceive you. Associating with bad people will ruin decent people. 1 Corinthians 15:33 (GW)

This does not mean that we should cease to relate to ungodly people who need to know the Lord, but we should be careful because our friends can influence what we believe and value. Jesus prayed all night before choosing the twelve apostles who would be closest to him. He powerfully influenced them over the next three years as he prepared them to be leaders in fulfilling the Great Commission.

Conversely, the disciples did not understand Jesus’ mission to give his life as the Lamb of God. Peter even tried to dissuade him from going to the cross, which provoked our Lord to rebuke him sternly.

From then on Jesus began to tell his disciples plainly that it was necessary for him to go to Jerusalem, and that he would suffer many terrible things at the hands of the elders, the leading priests, and the teachers of religious law. He would be killed, but on the third day he would be raised from the dead. 22  But Peter took him aside and began to reprimand him for saying such things. “Heaven forbid, Lord,” he said. “This will never happen to you!” 23  Jesus turned to Peter and said, “Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s.” 24  Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. 25  If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. 26  And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul? Matthew 16:21-26 (NLT) 

We must be aware that people we love may attempt to sway us from obedience to God out of their concern for us.

They may not understand God’s call on our lives and try to dissuade us from taking a course of action that seems not to be in our own best interest. These well-intentioned people sometimes simply fail to understand what Jesus values. They do not grasp that Jesus is worth any sacrifice we may make. Nothing spent on him is ever ill advised. When the woman poured the expensive perfume on Jesus’ feet, one of the disciples declared it was a waste of money, but her act has been forever memorialized in Scripture, as well as the failure of that disciple to see Jesus’ immense worth.

Let’s be among those who are willing to give away what men treasure in service to God despite the naysayers.

Jesus had to reject Peter’s counsel to spare himself a horrible death to follow his Father’s will and save us. When this sort of thing happens, it is never an excuse for us to be rude or impatient. Rather we do well if we manage to show love and respect to those whose counsel we reject and try to explain to them as best we can why we must pursue obedience to the Lord. Jesus’ rebuke of Peter was done out of love for him and to properly distance himself from a very real temptation. Plenty of God’s servants have been led off course by those they love.

An Old Testament prophet was influenced to disobey God’s direct orders by another older prophet. (1 Kings 13:11-26) Perhaps the younger one listened to that older prophet out of respect, or maybe he secretly did not want to have to do what God said, and this was a perfect excuse. Whatever the reason, this prophet was put to death because he allowed a “friend” to get him off course.

I am not suggesting that God will kill us if we allow someone to get us off course, but we may indeed suffer great loss because of our disobedience. Let us be led by God’s Spirit in everything we do.

We are wise to rely upon the Lord when it comes to choosing a spouse, which is the most influential relationship we will ever have. People choose mates for all sorts of reasons – love, companionship, security, beauty, sexual attraction, financial interests, social advancement, etc. In the world, people often choose partners who will aid them in their career advancement and the pursuit of personal goals. Finding a like-minded person is important.

For a disciple, one of the most critical factors in choosing a spouse is for him or her to have the same vision and commitment to the Lord as we.

We would be very unwise to marry anyone who is going to distract us from God’s purpose and our commitment to serve Jesus. On the other hand, we don’t want to become so “spiritual” that we neglect the human side of the equation, either. I believe God wants us to marry someone whom we genuinely love and respect, to whom we are attracted, who has similar values and goals, and who shares our passion and commitment to the Lord and His kingdom. This necessarily eliminates non-Christians from consideration for marriage.

Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NLT) 

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord. 1 Corinthians 7:39 (NLT)

When it comes to choosing a spouse, probably the most important of all our relationships, disciples understand the value of seeking good counsel.

It is not always wise to rely solely on our own feelings and judgment in such an important matter. When our hormones kick in, sometimes good judgment falls to the wayside. This does not mean we allow someone else to decide for us, but it is important to listen and weigh what others say. If those we trust, especially our parents and siblings, are uneasy about our choice, it should give us pause to consider. The best scenario is when all concerned are positive with our choice and give it their blessing.

Another way we allow Jesus to be Lord of our relationships is to maintain them His way. This means we make the choice to apply kingdom principles to our relationships.

God expects us to forgive readily and not harbor offenses.*

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT)

This often requires us to talk openly about difficult matters instead of burying our feelings and hurts. Paul called it speaking the truth in love, which requires honesty, self-control, courage, and love.

Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. 15  Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. Ephesians 4:14-15 (NLT)

Matthew 18 tells us how to handle these kinds of situations.

If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the fault. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. 16 But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. 17 If that person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. If the church decides you are right, but the other person won't accept it, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector. Matthew 18:15-17 (NLT)

I believe one of the most prevalent sins in the body of Christ is the failure to properly resolve relational offenses.

The problem may stem from our dislike for confronting others and the high probability that we will be likewise confronted in the process, revealing our own sinful attitudes and behavior. Sometimes we are afraid of being hurt all over again. Nevertheless, if we are committed to being disciples, we will allow Jesus to rule in this area of our lives, too.

A final way we allow Jesus to be Lord of our relationships is in the church. The Lord often brings together people from different cultural, racial, socio-economic, and other backgrounds into a local church. Many church members may be those with whom we would not ordinarily associate. However, if Jesus is our Lord and God is our Father, then a church is a family. We love and relate to family members regardless of any perceived affinities. Sometimes God places people in our lives to help us grow in this area.

If Jesus is Lord of our relationships, we will relate to those whom He puts in our lives and learn to love and appreciate them.

Jesus wants us to lay down our own selfish agendas to be kingdom people who can show the world what real Christianity looks like. This is a tall order, but whoever said serving Jesus was easy?

* For those who have suffered abuse, it is important to add that forgiving someone does not mean we naively allow them to hurt us again. Forgiveness and trust are different matters. Also, forgiving someone does not mean we are necessarily reconciled to them, which is a restoration of intimacy. However, in a normal relationship, every effort must be made to release each other from any sense of indebtedness because of past offenses. God also wants us to forgive daily to avoid becoming bitter because we continue to be offended.

Then Peter came to him and asked, "Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?" 22 "No!" Jesus replied, "seventy times seven! Matthew 18:21-22 (NLT)

We are all offenses waiting to happen. The Lord wants to restore us to intimacy and trust despite our propensity to hurt one another repeatedly. That is why we so desperately need mercy from God and each other.

Questions for Further Study and Discussion 

• Which is more challenging for you, enduring the loss of friendships because of your allegiance to Christ or lovingly confronting a someone who has hurt you?
• Have you ever had to go against the counsel of someone you admired and loved to obey the Lord? How did that affect you?