The fear of being put to shame can enslave and prevent us from courageously facing the challenges of life. God understands this and has provided a way for us to walk free of this insidious tyranny.
Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. Psalms 34:5 (NLT)
Shame can be either a painful negative emotion resulting from having done something specific that was wrong of foolish, or it can be a general pervasive negative emotional state resulting from a chronic sense of self-reproach or failure. The latter may originate in childhood and is more difficult to alleviate. Some of our shame is well-deserved. If we sin against God and others, shame can be the just consequence. It certainly was for Adam and Eve.
The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too. 7 At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves. Genesis 3:6-7 (NLT)
Sin reveals the unseemly side of us that most of us wish to conceal.
When the shame of our sin is exposed, we usually try to hide.
This can make relating to others a big challenge, since we may go to great lengths to hide anything in us is connected to shame. We may anticipate that, if we are truly known, we will be rejected, which is sometimes the case, as it turns out. As a result, sometimes we grow to like or love someone based on the façade presented to us, rather than the real person. This is unnerving to the person who is hiding because of the fear of one day being exposed. This kind of hiding can involve big issues or small. Eventually whatever is connected to our shame will surface, however, and that is when relationships are tested. This process can lead to a necessary disillusionment that forces us to face the truth, which is often a necessary step in building a strong relationship or marriage.
Deep friendships and great marriages can happen when people take down the façade and continue to love one another despite knowing about the other person’s weaknesses and sin.
Conversely, friendships and marriages can rip apart if the deception and resulting disillusionment are too great. This can also happen to relationships in a church.
Most of the time we do not truly know a person until after we have a disagreement with them or go through a crisis together.
How we weather those storms can more perfectly reveal the nature and depth of our relationship. One of my mentors once told me that he never trusted a person until after he had a fight with him. Whenever a new person or family joins a church, it takes a while to get to know them. At first, we do not know if they will prove to be good friends and valuable assets to us or not. Time will tell.
Disappointment and disillusionment are risks we take when we dare to love people.
There are countless numbers of believers who are drifting with no church home because at some point they were hurt and disillusioned by members of some local church.
Part of the problem is that they were not prepared to encounter disillusionment. If we are going to survive and thrive in a very sinful world, we must come to terms with the fact that people are not always who we pretend to be.
One person who is incapable of being disillusioned is God.
God knows us completely and anticipates every thought, world, and action we will ever take. Nothing we ever do surprises him.
O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. 2 You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. 3 You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. 4 You know what I am going to say even before I say it, LORD. 5 You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! Psalm 139:1-6 (NLT)
God’s omniscience makes it even more remarkable and encouraging that he chooses people to belong to him even before they are born.
All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. 4 Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. 5 God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. Ephesians 1:3-5 (NLT)
Adoption is never by accident. It is an intentional act of love. Every child, whether biological or adopted, is a treasure. Parents may have some idea of who their biological children are, but the full revelation comes over time. Adoptive parents have less of an idea of who their children may be, since they usually have no clue what family traits may have been passed down. But God knows everything about all of us up front. He will never step back in disgust or disappointment after we make a huge misstep or sin, thinking that he made a mistake in choosing you or me.
God knew ahead of time all we would ever think, say, or do, and still chose to love us. This is a big antidote to shame.
Abandonment and rejection are roots of shame. These two things signify that we are of little value, at least that is what the devil wants us to think. If we experience abandonment or rejection, we may know the reason or may be left to imagine it. Little children and some adults are quick to assume blame, even when it is not our fault, thinking that there must be something wrong with us that is responsible for others rejecting us. Left unchecked, this can lead to the development of a pervasive since of shame mentioned earlier in this article..
Sometimes shame can be associated with sinful things we have done or were done to us. People who sexually abuse others, for example, should feel shame for their actions; that is, until and if they experience the forgiveness and cleansing provided by our Lord Jesus. Children who are preyed upon by these abusers also may experience a sense of shame, even what happened was not their fault. In fact, many predators lay the blame on their young victims, establishing a “lie-based stronghold” of guilt and shame in that young one’s mind. This sort of lie must be replaced with the truth in order for shame to be eradicated.
Whether our shame was earned through our own sinfulness or improperly thrust upon us, Jesus has done everything necessary to set us free.
When Jesus hung naked upon the cross, enduring scorn, rejection, abandonment, injustice, and disgrace, he took that shame on our behalf, along with the shame attached to our sin. Just as He carried our sin and guilt to the cross, He also bore our shame there.
...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2 (NASB)
Because He carried our shame, we do not have to bear it.
Here are some promises.
"Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. The shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood will be remembered no more, 5 for your Creator will be your husband. The LORD Almighty is his name! He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth. 6 For the LORD has called you back from your grief—as though you were a young wife abandoned by her husband," says your God. 7 "For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with great compassion I will take you back. 8 In a moment of anger I turned my face away for a little while. But with everlasting love I will have compassion on you," says the LORD, your Redeemer. Isaiah 54:4-8 (NLT) But the LORD will save the people of Israel with eternal salvation. They will never again be humiliated and disgraced throughout everlasting ages. Isaiah 45:17 (NLT) Therefore it is also contained in the Scripture, "Behold, I lay in Zion A chief cornerstone, elect, precious, And he who believes on Him will by no means be put to shame." 1 Peter 2:6 (NKJV)
Did Jesus liberate anyone from shame during his three-year itinerant ministry? The answer is “Yes!” He set free the demoniac, who endured the shame and disgrace attached to his condition. He was forced to live alone in the tombs away from society. Jesus healed lepers who had to isolate themselves and cry out “unclean” whenever they moved about. Jesus allowed the adulteress in John Chapter 8 to walk away forgiven and with dignity after rescuing her from those who would have stoned her to death for her publicly exposed sin. He forgave and restored Peter, who shamed himself and his Lord by denying him publicly three times. Jesus was big on delivering people from shame then and continues to be to this day.
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Hebrews 13:8 (NLT)
Therefore, we who follow Christ are able to know that our shame has been carried away by Our Lord Jesus Christ and we no longer must bear it.
We can throw off any oppressive weight of shame by faith in Christ’s finished work on the cross and can so honor the One who was shamed for our sake. We can make it our aim to honor and glorify God by putting our full trust in him and his promises and by boldly declaring the Gospel and name of Christ without fear of any shame the world may attempt to thrust upon us for doing that. If we are proud of our Lord, he will return the favor at the Last Judgment.
Everyone who acknowledges me publicly here on earth, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven. 33 But everyone who denies me here on earth, I will also deny before my Father in heaven. Matthew 10:32-33 (NLT)
Let’s trust the Lord to help us to be bold witnesses for Christ. Whenever we may fall short, let’s quickly repent and receive forgiveness and cleansing from our sin and shame and have another go at it.
