A biblical marriage asks both spouses to accept the privileges and responsibilities and operate within the boundaries of their God-given roles.
Shakespeare penned these memorable words:
All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts… (As You Like It – Act 2, Scene 7)
The author of a play creates the characters and plot, scripts the lines, and decides how it begins and ends. The director decides who plays what role and instructs them to some degree how to act. Those who play the roles must be willing to act in agreement with how the play is written and under the oversight of the director. If actors play their roles well, an observer might even conclude that they are actually that person in real life, but they would usually be wrong. The role is not the same as the actual identity of the actor or actress. The success of the play largely depends on how well the actors play their respective roles.
Life is like that. God wrote and directs the “play,” created the set (the world) and the characters (us), and assigns to everyone our particular roles to play. How willingly and well we accept our God-given roles in life, some of which are gender-specific, will greatly influence our success during our short stay on the earth. It may also determine in some measure our eternal reward. But just as with a play or movie, the temporary role we play does not define our real identity.
What truly defines a person? Gender, age, politics, religious beliefs, job, or our role as a spouse, father, mother, son, daughter, grandmother, etc.? All of these things contribute to an overall picture of who we are as individuals, but none of these things truly defines us.
At our core, we are spiritual beings, who can only properly be known and defined by God, since he is our Creator, Sustainer, and, hopefully for you and me, our Redeemer.
God breathed spirit into Adam’s body, and he became a living soul. (Genesis 2:7) Our bodies are the outer shell that people see, our souls or personalities are more hidden and are what we may choose to present to other people as the deeper “us,” but God knows each one of us at a still deeper level in the spirit.
For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. 1 Corinthians 2:11 (ESV)
When Jesus rose from the dead, he ushered in a new reality, which he shares with us, at least in seed form, when we are “born again”. Through the new birth, our deepest and truest identity is linked to Christ through being joined to and becoming “one” with him.
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20 (ESV)
Believers in Christ are not defined by our sins, defects, failures, or past. We are identified with Christ through what is called the “new creation.” (2 Corinthians 5:16-17)
At the resurrection of the dead, we will fully experience this new reality in our bodies, souls, and spirits. The things that now tend to limit and separate us from each other will be obliterated, as Paul so eloquently wrote long ago.
For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. 27 For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29 And if you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's descendants, heirs according to promise. Galatians 3:26-29 (NASB)
As beautiful as that spiritual reality is and will be, we currently live in a fallen world that is waiting to experience its resurrection transformation.
For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. 23 And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. Romans 8:22–23 (NASB95)
In our current state, there are still Jewish people and Gentiles, slaves and free in some areas of the world – bosses and employees where we live, and male and female. As much as some wish to obliterate gender differences, they still are very much a part of everyday life and our current reality, down to the chromosomal level.
As born-again Christians, we are challenged to learn how to navigate our current situation in light of the resurrection reality that awaits us.
We have been given a foretaste of heaven in the spirit, but we still live in a fallen world, where gender differences are extremely important and consequential. Men and women have very different bodies with unique functions and abilities. Only a woman can conceive, carry, and give birth to a child. Only a man can be a father. Regardless of what many might desire, our genders greatly define our roles in life, especially those of husband, wife, mother, and father.
Gender specific roles are similar to parts in a play. The better we play our assigned role, the more faithful we will reflect the author’s intent and the greater will be our success. The roles that God has given us in this life do not define us at a core level, but we are assigned by God to play the part given to us.
These roles in marriage include the man’s having the responsibilities and privileges associated with headship. Women are given the Christ-honoring role of being a complementary partner who responds lovingly to the husband’s headship. This is called submission, which means to come under and often carries a very negative connotation. However, God never intended for there to be anything negative about submission. Sin did that to us. Submission exists within the Trinity where there is no hint of inferiority or subservience. We should not be scared off by headship and submission, just because the world hates these concepts or because we have never seen them properly modeled. God intends that these temporary roles be beautifully beneficial, fulfilling, and God-glorifying.
In the next two articles, I will take a look at headship for the husband and submission for the wife from the Bible’s perspective. I hope that, when we have a better understanding of what God intends, it will motivate us to fully embrace these roles to the glory of God and our own personal happiness. We will understand that…
God wants us to be role players, not the director of the play.
