For most people, loneliness is a painful and undesirable condition. We may experience it through no fault of our own, or it may be that we bring it upon ourselves. We may be our own worst enemy, repelling potential friends because we blindly hate in others what we despise in ourselves.

You may think you can condemn such people, but you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things. Romans 2:1 (NLT) 

We may experience self-inflicted loneliness by being critical and judgmental toward ourselves and others.

As anyone who has lived very long knows, most of us do not respond well to criticism. When criticize others, it reveals that we see ourselves as their judge. It is difficult to be the friend of a judge.

Jesus was called the “friend of sinners.”

Tax collectors and other notorious sinners often came to listen to Jesus teach.  2  This made the Pharisees and teachers of religious law complain that he was associating with such sinful people—even eating with them! Luke 15:1-2 (NLT)

It was a derogatory title pinned on him by the Jewish religious leaders, who held many of those whom Jesus befriended in contempt. Those leaders believed that they were morally superior because of their knowledge of the Law and their imagined adherence to it. The truth is that we all fall short of God’s glory and fail to measure up to his standard of righteousness. (Romans 3:23)

No one is ever in a place to despise other human beings.

Jesus, on the other hand, who was truly superior in every way, gladly chose to be with those whom the religious leaders shunned. Those labeled as “sinners” picked up on Jesus’ love and were attracted to him, at least the ones whose hearts were open to his message of hope and forgiveness. The interesting thing is that Jesus calls us to leave our sin and follow him, but he does it in such a way that draws humble people toward him rather than pushing them away, as the religious hypocrites did.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29  Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30  For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 (NLT) 

Criticism breeds criticism. Rejection usually experiences rejection in return, but love draws people.

Only God has the right to condemn people for their sins. Thankfully, he provided a remedy for our guilt in his Son, who died on our behalf in order to provide forgiveness and reconciliation. Those who reject the good news that Jesus took our sins upon himself, can only expect judgment from God when they die and stand before him. However, those who believe the gospel receive and enjoy God’s love. God’s heart is open toward anyone who is willing to admit his or her desperate need for forgiveness and help.

Pride is harsh and unforgiving, but humility is gentle and inviting. Pride inspires us to criticize and judge others; while, humility prompts us to show mercy.

Demonstrating humility is a huge key to overcoming self-inflicted loneliness by drawing and keeping friends.

Mature followers of Christ learn how to make proper assessments of people without descending into thinking we are somehow superior. Jesus completely knows people and their motives, but that did not keep him aloof or prevent him from being kind and merciful toward us. Nothing is hidden from him, but his heart remains open to those who are open to him, regardless of their shortcomings and failures. That is one reason we have hope.

We may find that those we formerly criticized and rejected have much to offer in the way of friendship, if we treat them as we wish to be treated. We can ask the Holy Spirit to take the “log” out of our own eyes, so that we will be able to properly see others through God’s eyes. If we make the effort to be friends with those whom we may be tempted to judge, just maybe someone will decide to be a friend of that other sinner each of us knows so very well.