Solomon wrote that the fear of man is a snare (Proverbs 29:25) because caring too much about what others think can trap us into disobeying God and keep us from experiencing everything God wants for us. A wise friend of mine once told me that what others think of him is none of his business. That is easier said than done. Most of us want approval from other people, especially those we consider significant or influential. Most of us dislike receiving their censure. Some of this is healthy, but, on the down side, we can be manipulated if we care too much about what others think. How can we have a proper regard for others without being trapped or limited by their expectations?
Since Jesus said that we should treat others as we wish to be treated, I will focus now on how we can be those who refuse to bind others by placing any ungodly expectations on them. Paul the apostle wrote that he formerly evaluated people based on human judgment, but now he made it his goal to see people from God’s perspective.
So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now! 17 This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:16-17 (NLT)
When we evaluate people improperly we can err in two ways. On one hand, we may be impressed, based on outward appearances or first impressions, regard them in a better light than is warranted. Conversely, if we become too focused on their faults and shortcomings, we may miss their hidden potential from God. We are all under construction, and what God is working in a person is not always readily apparent.
If we want to escape being limited by the expectations of others, we should make it our goal to see and evaluate others from God’s perspective so that we can encourage them to fulfill his expectations for them.
For example, parents may have high expectations for their children and unintentionally communicate something less than delight when they do not live up to them. Instead of seeing and acknowledging the good God has put in them or wants to develop in them, we may focus on their faults and shortcoming in a way that is devastating. This can be especially challenging if our children or friends are very much unlike us personality wise.
None of us can be what we are not, and we may never flower into who God made us to be without the proper encouragement and love from significant others in our lives.
It is pointless and self-defeating for us to try to live up to other people’s expectations. Ultimately, the only one person we need to please is the Lord, and he delights in us based on what Jesus did for us.
The only safe way for us to view ourselves is through the lens of who we are in Christ.
If God is pleased with us, nothing else really matters.
Jesus was able to endure the hostility of the Jewish leaders and Roman authorities because he was firmly convinced that his Father loved and delighted in him. He knew this because the Father told him so.
He was still speaking when, behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased; listen to him.” Matthew 17:5 (ESV)
Get ready! The next paragraph can change your life.
What was and is true about Jesus is now true about us.
The Father delights in us as much as in Jesus because we are now one with our Lord. We have been given Christ’s right standing with the Father. This is called justification. When we come before Father God, we come clothed in Christ’s righteousness. We are fully accepted in the beloved Son.
All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. 4 Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. Ephesians 1:3-4 (NLT)
We cannot afford to allow anyone else but God to define who we are.
None of us are perfect. Most of us have significant weaknesses, but God is still fully pleased with us in Christ. The Holy Spirit is transforming us on a daily basis, but he does so in light of our being already fully acceptable to him because of Christ.
God wants us to do the same for others. Most of us can see pretty well where we and others fall short, and, if we cannot, the Accuser of the Brethren, the devil, constantly reminds us.
The Holy Spirit can help us see ourselves and others through the eyes of faith and God’s love for them.
It is important for us to communicate in words, attitude, and demeanor that we love, appreciate, and delight in who others are in Christ, instead of judging them for what currently falls short. We are called to do this even when we must administer correction and discipline. The choice is ours. Will we revel in God’s delight in us in Christ or be brought down by the disappointment that we have in ourselves or that may be communicated by others? Will we choose to communicate love, acceptance, and delight in our brothers and sisters in the Lord and our natural children, or will we judge them as not measuring up to our standard or expectation?
Until we escape the trap of caring too much about what others think, we will not be free or much help to those we love.
