It should be no surprise to us that being able to graciously engage people in conversation increases our ability to influence them toward the gospel. Jesus said that his followers would be known by their love. Why is it that many times Christians are associated with being judgmental instead? Probably it is because we have foolishly forgotten how desperately we need mercy and forgiveness ourselves. When most of us first became followers of Christ, we clearly understood how far we were from living up to God’s holy and righteous standards. We jumped at the gospel’s amazingly gracious offer of complete forgiveness and reconciliation to God. But over time, we may lose sight of our own need for mercy and begin to think more highly of ourselves than we should (Romans 12:3). How does this happen?

One possibility is that when we place our faith and loyalty in Christ, he sends the Holy Spirit to live inside us and change us from the inside out. When we experience this grace, we start thinking, speaking, and acting in a more God-like manner, tempting us to look down on those who have not yet experienced such transformative grace. We start thinking of ourselves in a self-righteous way, instead of humbly appreciating God’s inner work and wishing the same for others. Instead of graciously sharing the good news of forgiveness, reconciliation, and life with those who need it, we may stand off to the side and self-righteously judge them. This goes against God’s heart, undermines our own grace standing with God (Romans 5:1-2), and misrepresents the gospel.

Judgmental people do not make good fishers of men because we lose our ability to make a heart connection. We push away the very people who need to be drawn to Christ.

People intuitively know whether we love them, merely tolerate them, or actively judge them. Most of us are drawn to love but repelled by self-righteous smugness.

Those who desire to be good fishers of men choose to extend the same love and mercy toward others which God has extended to us.

When Jesus encountered the Samaritan woman at the well in John Chapter 4, he was able to discuss their doctrinal differences, which were major, but he first established that he cared about her and was interested in talking to her. Jesus accomplished this by breaking through a wall most self-righteous Jews refused to cross. He engaged in conversation with a Samaritan, and a woman to boot, quite probably one who was despised even by her own community! His loving engagement opened the door for her to safely ask her questions. There is something crucial for us to learn here. Jesus could have despised and rejected her because of her erroneous beliefs and immoral lifestyle, but instead he drew her to himself and transformed her into an evangelist who brought an entire village to faith!

I have watched Christian friends of mine exhibit the exact opposite, and I am sure I have as well. Once I was part of a men’s group that fostered friendly discussion. This was not a church group, but included friends and neighbors who were not believers. When one person said plainly that he did not believe the gospel or even accept that the Bible is trustworthy, one of the Christians in the group became indignant. Why do we do this? Have we forgotten that once we were in his place? Do we think it’s our job to defend God’s honor? Are we the doctrine police? A wise person who witnessed what happened later commented that we Christians need to learn how to debate in a better way. We owe it to ourselves, the Lord, the people we are trying to reach, and to the gospel to learn how to engage dissenters without erecting barriers, showing irritation, or saying unkind things.

A large part of the problem for many of us who believe is that we have limited conversations with those outside the faith. We tend to “hole up” in our church “fortresses” instead of getting out into our communities to engage dissenters.

This is very unlike how Jesus did things. How can we reverse this sad state of affairs? Here are some suggestions.

• Prioritize connecting with people outside of our church “comfort zone.” 
• Determine to love people and get to know them personally.
• Look for opportunities to inject a spiritual component into our conversations. Asking to pray for any obvious needs that come up is a great way to overcome barriers. Listen to the Holy Spirit and go with whatever he tells us. Sometimes we can only start to get to know a person on a first encounter. Other times we may actually have an opportunity to share the gospel with them. Each person and situation is different.

The main rule is to love people and listen to the Spirit.

• Fourthly, we should try to continue to love and engage those who disagree with us or initially reject our message. Who knows? They might change their minds.
• Know when enough is enough. Sometimes we may have to walk away from a relationship that is bearing no fruit. That’s a hard call.

Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. 6  Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone. Colossians 4:5-6 (NLT)

That’s how Jesus fished for people. We can, too.

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