I was a Roman Catholic for the first eighteen years of my life. I served as an altar boy for many years and attended Catholic school from third grade through the eighth. I was baptized as an infant, received my first Holy Communion as a young boy, and was later confirmed. Our family was active in the church and attended regularly. It was only as an teenager that I began to ask a lot of questions and have significant doubts about God and the church.
Catholic teaching did not provide me with a clear path to having a personal relationship with God. The church stood between God and me with its rules and mediatorial priesthood. I could never be sure that I would one day go to heaven because that depended on dying in what was called a “state of grace,” which came and went depending on sins I would commit and subsequent absolution from a priest. I seriously tried to keep the rules, but the more I tried to live without sin, the more I realized how hopeless an endeavor that is. Later I read in the Bible that this frustration with trying to be good was exactly what God intended. The purpose of the law is to lead us to Christ (Galatians 3:22), but I did not know that.
I attempted to please a God who was “out there” watching me, but whom I did not know personally and never offered to help me as far as I could tell. In my frustration I began to wonder if God even could be known. I called myself an agnostic and began looking for God and truth outside the church. When I went to college, I discovered Zen Buddhism and Transcendental Meditation, which were trendy at the time. I tried meditation, thinking that perhaps truth could be discovered that way, since Christianity, I thought, had let me down.
It was about this time that the girl I was dating, who is now my wife of more than fifty years, wrote to tell me that she had become a Bible believing “born again” Christian. This was strange news to a Catholic, especially coming from someone with the same background as mine. I found myself resisting her new beliefs and experience but could not sway her a bit. That made an impression on me.
After a couple of weeks of wrestling with these things, I decided to try an experiment. I prayed to Jesus, whose very existence I doubted, asking him, if he were real, to come into my life and reveal himself to me. I left it at that. I did not struggle with it anymore. I even temporarily forgot that I even said the prayer. Interestingly, however, upon looking back, I noticed that I was changing. I felt happier and was more willing to do considerate favors for people. In my rather obtuse spiritual condition at the time, I thought that perhaps my meditation was having a good effect. My girlfriend, Martha, came to visit, and we talked about Jesus some more, which got me to thinking about spiritual things again. After dropping her off at the women’s dorm where she was staying, I caught a ride back to my dorm. Being hungry, I decided to stop by a small room with vending machines, where I bought something to eat. I was all alone, as it was late at night. Thinking about everything Martha and I had discussed and wondering about my life, I suddenly remembered the prayer I made to the Jesus I doubted. At that very instant, God’s presence seemed to fill the room. Somehow, I instantly knew that Jesus is real. God moved me from unbelief to having a strong conviction that Jesus is everything the Bible says about him. Joy and peace filled my heart in a way I had never known. This was what I call my born-again experience. From that time on everything became new and different.
Later I read the following Bible verses and realized that God has been very gracious to me by opening my spiritual eyes and heart.
Jesus replied, “I assure you, no one can enter the Kingdom of God without being born of water and the Spirit. 6 Humans can reproduce only human life, but the Holy Spirit gives birth to spiritual life. 7 So don’t be surprised when I say, ‘You must be born again.’ 8 The wind blows wherever it wants. Just as you can hear the wind but can’t tell where it comes from or where it is going, so you can’t explain how people are born of the Spirit.” John 3:5–8 (NLT)
The first thing I did was go to my nearby dorm, where several of my friends were still awake. I told them what had happened to me and let them know that Jesus is real and can be known. That was my first attempt at sharing the good news. I did not know very much, but I knew that. That night it was difficult for me to fall asleep. I was excited and wondering if I would still believe in the morning. Was this just a passing emotional high or a new permanent reality? The next morning, I woke up still believing, and here I am writing this article over fifty years later. That morning, I told Martha what had happened. She was surprised and overjoyed, as you might imagine. We later married and have served the Lord together ever since.
That night changed my life in a most fundamental way. I went from feeling and being lost and alone in the cosmos to knowing I am loved by its Creator and my Redeemer. I transitioned from doubt to having the assurance that God is real and loves me. Later I came to understand that his words found in the Bible are absolutely true and faithful. I know that I already have eternal life, and I want others to know about this amazing God who is willing and able to reveal himself to us!
No priests never even told me that I could know God in this way. Only one older gentleman named Allen Graham, who is now with the Lord and taught a class for teens, told me that God can be known. Unfortunately, even he did not share how that could happen. The Roman Catholic Church does not seem to be interested in helping people cultivate a personal relationship with God. Its focus on our relationship with the church and its rules and activities.
Eventually, as I became more and more familiar with the Bible, I realized that the Catholic Church long ago departed from the Scriptures in many areas. Instead of being a vehicle to bring people to experience the joyful freedom found in the gospel, it became an enslaving religious institution. Eventually I knew that I had to part ways.
I have not written this to condemn any family or friends who are still part of the Catholic Church. There are many born again lovers of Jesus who have chosen to remain in that church. However, I believe that I have a responsibility to share how Catholic doctrine departed from Bible truth for the benefit of those who are seeking answers. The apostle Paul wrote that if anyone or group preaches a different gospel, they are cursed or under God’s judgment. (Galatians 1:8-9) The Catholic syncretistic betrayal of the New Covenant cannot be ignored. I hope that these articles will make it clear why I believe so and help you in some way.
Pete
