Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. Psalms 34:5 (NLT)

Shame can be either a painful negative emotion for having done something specific that was wrong or foolish, or it can be a general pervasive negative emotional state resulting from a chronic sense of self-reproach or sense of failure. The latter may originate in childhood and is more difficult to alleviate.

Some of our shame is well-deserved. If we sin against God and others, shame can be the consequence. It certainly was for Adam and Eve.

The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too. 7  At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves. Genesis 3:6-7 (NLT) 

Sin reveals the unseemly side of us that most of us wish to conceal, as did Adam and Eve.

We usually try to hide if we are threatened with our shame being exposed.

This can make relating to others a big challenge, since they/we often go to great lengths to cover up any areas for which we might feel ashamed. We fear that, if we are truly known, we may be despised and rejected, which is sometimes the case, as it turns out. As a result, sometimes we grow to like or love someone based on the façade presented to us, rather than the real person. This can be unnerving to the person who is hiding because of the fear of one day being exposed. It is also a problem for all of us because we wonder if we truly know the one we love. This kind of hiding can involve big issues or small.

Eventually who we really are will surface, however, and that is when relationships get tested.

This process can end in disillusionment which allows us to get rid of our illusions about the other person and face the truth. This is often a necessary step in building a great relationship or marriage.

Deep friendships and great marriages can develop when people take down the façade and continue to love one another despite knowing the other person’s weaknesses and sin.

Conversely, friendships and marriages can rip apart if the deception and resulting disillusionment are too great. This can also happen in a church.

Often we cannot truly know a person until after we have had a disagreement with them or go through a crisis together. How we weather those storms can more perfectly reveal the nature and depth of our relationship. One of my mentors once told me that he never truly trusted a person until after he had a fight with him. Whenever a new person or family joins our church, I am usually excited to get to know them. My hope is that they will prove to be good friends and valuable assets to the kingdom. In the back of my mind, however, is the realization that one day they may turn out to be just the opposite.

Disappointment and disillusionment are risks we take when we dare to love people.

There are countless numbers of believers who are drifting with no church home because at some point they were hurt and disillusioned by members of some local church. What makes this particularly sad is not so much that offenses and disappointments take place in the church. Rather, it is because people do not realize that this is to be expected in any group of humans, even the church. Believers must be prepared to encounter and work through these things. If we are going to survive and thrive in a very sinful world, we must come to terms with the fact that people are not always who they pretend to be.

One person who is incapable of being disillusioned is God.

God knows us completely and anticipates our every thought, word, and action. Nothing we ever do surprises him. King David knew and wrote about this truth.

O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. 2  You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. 3  You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. 4  You know what I am going to say even before I say it, LORD. 5  You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. 6  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! Psalm 139:1-6 (NLT) 

God’s omniscience makes it even more remarkable and encouraging that he chooses people to belong to him even before they are born.

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. 4  Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. 5  God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. Ephesians 1:3-5 (NLT) 

Adoption is never by accident. It is an intentional act of love. Every child, whether biological or adopted, is a treasure. Parents may have some idea of who their biological children are, but the full revelation comes over time. Adoptive parents have less idea of who their children may be because they usually have no idea what family traits may have been passed down. But God knows everything about all of us. He will never step back in disgust or disappointment after we make a huge misstep or sin, thinking that he made a mistake in choosing you or me.

God knew ahead of time all we would ever think, say, or do, and still chose to love us. This is a big antidote to shame.

Abandonment and rejection are at the root of much shame. These two things signify that the other person is of little value. Sometimes the reason for the abandonment or rejection is understood; sometimes, not. In the latter case, the affected person is left to imagine the reason. Little children are quick to assume blame, thinking that there must be something wrong with them. This can lead to the development of a pervasive since of shame mentioned in my opening definition.

Sometimes shame can be associated with sinful things we have done or were done to us. People who commit sexual abuse, for example, should feel shame for their actions; that is, until they experience the forgiveness and cleansing provided by our Lord Jesus. Children who are preyed upon by abusers also experience a sense of shame in many cases, even though the abuse was not their fault. Unfortunately, many predators tell their young victims that it was their fault, establishing a “lie-based stronghold” in that young one’s mind. This sort of lie must be replaced with the truth in order for shame to be eradicated.

Whether our shame was earned through our own sinfulness or improperly thrust upon us by some predator, Jesus has done everything necessary to set us free.

When Jesus hung naked upon the cross, enduring scorn, rejection, abandonment, injustice, and disgrace, he took that shame on our behalf, along with the shame attached to our sin. Just as He carried our sin and guilt to the cross, He also bore our shame there.

...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2 (NASB) 

Because He carried our shame, we do not have to bear it.

Here are some promises.

"Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. The shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood will be remembered no more, 5 for your Creator will be your husband. The LORD Almighty is his name! He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth. 6 For the LORD has called you back from your grief—as though you were a young wife abandoned by her husband," says your God. 7 "For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with great compassion I will take you back. 8 In a moment of anger I turned my face away for a little while. But with everlasting love I will have compassion on you," says the LORD, your Redeemer. Isaiah 54:4-8 (NLT)

But the LORD will save the people of Israel with eternal salvation. They will never again be humiliated and disgraced throughout everlasting ages. Isaiah 45:17 (NLT) 

Therefore it is also contained in the Scripture, "Behold, I lay in Zion A chief cornerstone, elect, precious, And he who believes on Him will by no means be put to shame." 1 Peter 2:6 (NKJV) 

But that is now. Did Jesus ever liberate anyone from shame during his three-year itinerant ministry? The answer is “Yes!” He set free the demoniac, who endured the shame and disgrace attached to his condition. He was forced to live alone in the tombs away from society. Jesus healed lepers who had to isolate themselves and cry out “unclean” whenever they moved about. Jesus allowed the adulteress in John Chapter 8 to walk away forgiven and with dignity after rescuing her from those who would have stoned her to death for her publicly exposed sin. He forgave and restored Peter, who shamed himself and his Lord by denying him publicly three times. When Jesus walked the earth he delivered people from shame and continues to do this today.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Hebrews 13:8 (NLT) 

Therefore, we who follow Christ can know that our shame was carried away by Our Lord Jesus Christ and we no longer must bear it. Jesus came to liberate his followers from shame. To believe and live out anything less is unbelief. We can throw off any oppressive weight of shame by faith in Christ’s finished work on the cross.

Now we have the privilege of honoring the One who was shamed for our sake.

We can make it our aim to honor and glorify God by putting our full trust in him and his promises and by boldly declaring the Gospel and name of Christ without fear of any shame the world may attempt to thrust upon us. If we are proud of our Lord, he will return the favor at the Last Judgment.

Everyone who acknowledges me publicly here on earth, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven. 33  But everyone who denies me here on earth, I will also deny before my Father in heaven. Matthew 10:32-33 (NLT) 

Let’s trust the Lord to help us to be bold witnesses for Christ. Whenever we may fall short, let’s quickly repent and receive forgiveness and cleansing from our sin and shame and have another go at it.

Click here to see the other articles in this series.

 

Questions for Further Study and Discussion

• For you, has disillusionment ever been a necessary step in growing deeper in a relationship?
• How important is shame in determining how a person relates to God and other people?
• If you were ministering to someone riddled with shame, how would you counsel them?