Once we agree that marriage is a serious covenant commitment to remain faithful to our spouses until death, we need to understand that God never expected for us to be able to keep this commitment simply by relying on our own resources. We were not created to go it alone. This article will examine how the Holy Spirit works inside followers of Christ to enable us to be better marriage partners. If we put our faith in Jesus Christ and make him the center of the marriage, he promises to help us to love and be faithful to each other.

Being a disciple of Christ is a very important element to having a happy and lasting marriage.

The Christian’s Greatest Secret

Many who call themselves believers in Christ have not yet discovered what is perhaps the greatest secret of the Christian life. Jesus died for our sins, so that we can be forgiven and restored to a right relationship with God our Father, but the blessing does not stop there. Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to indwell those who pledge allegiance to him.

What makes the New Covenant so radically different from the Law or any religious or self-help system is that, when we are born again, the Holy Spirit joins to our spirits and begins to live God’s life through us. (1 Corinthians 6:17)

He transforms us within as we learn to rely on and cooperate with him each day. Christianity is a partnership with God’s Spirit, a dance with an invisible partner, a drawing of life from the vine of which we are branches.

Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. 5  “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:4-5 (NLT)  

Being “Equally Yoked”

What does this mean for a Christian marriage? If a man and a woman want to marry, one of the first questions that should be asked is whether or not both of them are committed to following Christ and his teachings. If not, the Bible calls this being “unequally yoked,” which is a bad idea. Oxen were paired in a yoke to pull heavy loads. Unless they pulled together, things did not work well. Unless a husband and wife are on the same team spiritually, the marriage is headed for trouble.

Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? 15  What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 (NLT)  

Marriage is the ultimate sharing of life, and if both parties are not unified in their dedication as disciples, it will be frustrating down the road. It is not recommended to marry someone who is not committed to following Christ.

However, if both partners are committed to serving the Lord, they have a basis for building a strong, lasting, and fulfilling marriage. The things that make a good disciple also make a good spouse.

This is because both will be committed to three things.

1. Putting Christ’s teachings into practice. This means they will love truth, practice the “Golden Rule,” be quick to forgive, honest, patient, faithful, etc., which are character qualities pursued by those who are Christ’s followers and which the Holy Spirit develops within us.
2. Allowing the Holy Spirit to work in us. The Spirit points out to us when we need to repent and ask forgiveness. He changes our desires from within, transforming us into people who make better marriage partners, people who love, put others first, are unselfish, etc. He teaches us what we need to know and reminds us about what the Bible teaches.
3. Living in the fear of the Lord. The fear of the Lord constrains us from pursuing foolish and self-centered agendas that would violate the marriage covenant and Christ’s teachings.

A Threefold Cord

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10  For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11  Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? 12  And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (ESV)

Solomon’s words have much to say about marriage. It is better to be married than be alone, but, having Christ woven into the marriage is the best of all.

Making our Lord the center of our marriage makes it very strong. Two is good, but three is better.

Application

If we are already a committed follower of Christ and are married to one, it is a good thing to reaffirm with our spouses our joint commitment to Christ, his teachings, and to our marriages. We can ask the Holy Spirit to bind us together in marriage as he works in each of us individually.

For anyone who is not yet a follower of Christ, what is stopping you from becoming one now? It simply requires your acknowledgement that you are no longer willing to be an independent operator. Surrender your life to Christ as the Good Shepherd. Let him run things from now on. Ask him to forgive your past sins and restore you to a right relationship with Father God. Ask him to send the Holy Spirit to live inside you and change you from the inside out. (Here is a sample prayer.)

What if you are committed to Christ, but your spouse is not? Ask God to open his or her eyes to the gospel. Pray, share your testimony, love him or her in a way that helps them understand how much God loves them. Be patient. Trust the Lord to work in them, even if it takes a long time. Never give up.

Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you? 17  Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches. 1 Corinthians 7:16-17 (NLT)